Hi, I'm Shae.
I'm an instructional designer, a wife & mom, and ultimately a woman in total control of herself. On the side, I enjoy drinking tea & collecting teaware, reading Tarot, making wax seals, knitting, gaming, and taking photos of the bunnies that run wild in my yard. I was a Mormon.
About me
I was born and raised in the Mormon church, blessed as a baby, baptized at 8, married at 19. I was homeschooled in a fundie-like community and raised to believe that my highest purpose in life was to get married and have "as many babies as the Lord would give me".
Almost daily as a child, I repeated words that my parents curated for my siblings and I, as we aspired to be "the Elect" in the Mormon church: "We are children of imperfect parents who love us and who strive to raise in truth and righteousness. Our goal in being taught at home is to prepare ourselves spiritually and temporally to be worthy and productive members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Also, to be positive influences in the world, to be good and active citizens, and to face all trials and temptations with steadfastness in Christ, having faith that we will live together as an eternal family." I was taught to shun birth control, feminism, the "appearance of evil", and anything " worldly".
I was the obnoxious kid in Sunday School who knew all the answers, the overzealous girl in Young Women who volunteered to help with all of the projects. I was the one who actually did know a decent amount of church history and was totally okay with Joseph Smith marrying children, and I even stated that I would marry a prophet myself at age 14 " if God asked me to". I wasted hours and hours of my life indexing for Family Search. Graduating from seminary was more important to me, and to my parents, than getting a High School diploma.
My family has Mormon ties on both sides going back to the early days of the church. We have a history of abuse, undiagnosed mental illnesses and disorders, enmeshment, breeding fetishes, blood atonement, pharisaical behavior, lack of boundaries, and overall dysfunction, all in the name of God. And I'm only just beginning to work on breaking all of those cycles moving forward, for myself and for my daughter.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
It's not true: plain and simple.
After watching my husband become a happier, more confident person as he stepped further & further away from the Mormon church, I realized that my entire life had been based on a lie. I promptly had an identity crisis and began experiencing a painful yet beautiful transition of faith.
It occurred to me that I had more integrity than the "Only True" church I had been brought up in, because when I was made aware of their lies and atrocities I refused to be associated with them any longer. I found out that a bishop had been excommunicated partly for his insistence on ending 1-on-1 interviews between grown men and children (Sam Young - protecteverychild.com/. The Gospel Topic Essays told mixed truths after decades of leaving crucial pieces of history out of Sunday School lessons. The temple ordinances changed and members were told not to speak about them despite the trauma that those changes and the previous ordinances inflicted. I can't even list everything that pushed me to resign, but those are a few of them.
Ultimately, I found that I am a healthier, happier, more empathetic person outside of the Mormon church and I have never looked back. Life is so much better when you get to choose how you live it.