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"This cognitive dissonance would stick with me all the way into my mission, when I was tasked with convincing others that their religious or cultural beliefs were not "true". This never set right with me either, and I probably wasn't the best missionary because of it. I met so many good people from different walks of life and quickly realized, again, how harmful exclusionary beliefs can be." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"This cognitive dissonance would stick with me all the way into my mission, when I was tasked with convincing others that their religious or cultural beliefs were not "true". This never set right with me either, and I probably wasn't the best missionary because of it. I met so many good people from different walks of life and quickly realized, again, how harmful exclusionary beliefs can be." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"In looking steadfastly to discern features, I could see none, but a small glimpse would appear in some other place. Below him stood Jesus Christ my Redeemer, in perfect shape like a man—His face was not ablaze, but had the countenance of fire, being bright and shining. His Father’s will appeared to be his! All was condescension, peace, and love!!" - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"In looking steadfastly to discern features, I could see none, but a small glimpse would appear in some other place. Below him stood Jesus Christ my Redeemer, in perfect shape like a man—His face was not ablaze, but had the countenance of fire, being bright and shining. His Father’s will appeared to be his! All was condescension, peace, and love!!" - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"At length, being in an ecstasy of joy, I turned to the other side of the bed, (whether in the body or out I cannot tell, God knoweth) there I saw two spirits, which I knew at the first sight. But if I had the tongue of an Angel I could not describe their glory, for they brought the joys of heaven with them. One was God, my Maker, almost in bodily shape like a man. His face was, as it were a flame of Fire, and his body, as it had been a Pillar and a Cloud." - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"At length, being in an ecstasy of joy, I turned to the other side of the bed, (whether in the body or out I cannot tell, God knoweth) there I saw two spirits, which I knew at the first sight. But if I had the tongue of an Angel I could not describe their glory, for they brought the joys of heaven with them. One was God, my Maker, almost in bodily shape like a man. His face was, as it were a flame of Fire, and his body, as it had been a Pillar and a Cloud." - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"At length, as I lay apparently upon the brink of eternal woe, seeing nothing but death before me, suddenly there came a sweet flow of the love of God to my soul, which gradually increased. At the same time, there appeared a small gleam of light in the room, above the brightness of the sun, then at his meridian, which grew brighter and brighter: As this light and love increased, my sins began to separate, and the Mountain removed towards the east." - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"At length, as I lay apparently upon the brink of eternal woe, seeing nothing but death before me, suddenly there came a sweet flow of the love of God to my soul, which gradually increased. At the same time, there appeared a small gleam of light in the room, above the brightness of the sun, then at his meridian, which grew brighter and brighter: As this light and love increased, my sins began to separate, and the Mountain removed towards the east." - Norris Stearns, Greenfield, Massachusetts, 1815
"I instantly seized hold of this with my heart... but never had the truth been in my mind that faith was a voluntary trust instead of an intellectual state... I knew that it was God's word, and God's voice, as it were, that spoke to me." Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"I instantly seized hold of this with my heart... but never had the truth been in my mind that faith was a voluntary trust instead of an intellectual state... I knew that it was God's word, and God's voice, as it were, that spoke to me." Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"It seemed to me as if that was binding upon my soul... a great sinking and discouragement came over me... just at that point this passage of Scripture seemed to drop into my mind with a flood of light... "Then shall ye seek me and find me"... Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"It seemed to me as if that was binding upon my soul... a great sinking and discouragement came over me... just at that point this passage of Scripture seemed to drop into my mind with a flood of light... "Then shall ye seek me and find me" Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"I turned and bent my course toward the woods, feeling that I must be alone, and away from all human eyes and ears, so that I could pour out my prayer to God... I attempted to pray I found that my heart would not pray... when I came to try, I was dumb... In attempting to pray I would hear a rustling in the leaves..." Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"I turned and bent my course toward the woods, feeling that I must be alone, and away from all human eyes and ears, so that I could pour out my prayer to God... I attempted to pray I found that my heart would not pray... when I came to try, I was dumb... In attempting to pray I would hear a rustling in the leaves..." Charles Grandison Finney, Upstate New York, 1821
"Some are saying that the church has been hiding the fact that there is more than one version of the first vision – which is just not true. The facts are, we don’t study, we don’t go back and search what has been said on the subject. For example, Dr. James B Allen of BYU, in 1970 produced an article for the church magazines explaining all about the different versions of the first vision." - Elder M Russell Ballard
"Some are saying that the church has been hiding the fact that there is more than one version of the first vision – which is just not true. The facts are, we don’t study, we don’t go back and search what has been said on the subject. For example, Dr. James B Allen of BYU, in 1970 produced an article for the church magazines explaining all about the different versions of the first vision." - Elder M Russell Ballard
"So, just trust us, wherever you are in the world and you share this message with anyone else who raises the question about the church not being transparent. We’re as transparent as we know how to be in telling the truth." - Elder M Russell Ballard
"So, just trust us, wherever you are in the world and you share this message with anyone else who raises the question about the church not being transparent. We’re as transparent as we know how to be in telling the truth." - Elder M Russell Ballard
The Various Elements of Joseph Smith's First Vision, As recorded or Clearly Implied in the Eight Contemporary Accounts (1831-32, 1835, 1838-39, Pratt, Hyde, Wentworth, Spectator, Neibaur) - From the 1970 Improvement Era, where the church printed for the first time is a report on eight different accounts of the First Vision.
The Various Elements of Joseph Smith's First Vision, As recorded or Clearly Implied in the Eight Contemporary Accounts (1831-32, 1835, 1838-39, Pratt, Hyde, Wentworth, Spectator, Neibaur) - From the 1970 Improvement Era, where the church printed for the first time is a report on eight different accounts of the First Vision.
"I have had, and continue to have, many profound moments in my life. Moments where I feel connected to something bigger than myself. Moments where I am in awe of the enormosity of the universe. I am amazed at all humans have accomplished, and continue to accomplish in spite of great odds." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I have had, and continue to have, many profound moments in my life. Moments where I feel connected to something bigger than myself. Moments where I am in awe of the enormosity of the universe. I am amazed at all humans have accomplished, and continue to accomplish in spite of great odds." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I thought I believed in non-denominational Christianity, but once you've "seen the man behind the curtain", you see him everywhere. I believe humans invented gods to explain what science couldn't yet explain. Gods are used to control the masses." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I thought I believed in non-denominational Christianity, but once you've "seen the man behind the curtain", you see him everywhere. I believe humans invented gods to explain what science couldn't yet explain. Gods are used to control the masses." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was offended by the $150 BILLION hoard. Actually that came after I left, I was offended that my agency was taken from me. My ability to make informed decisions. That my family couldn't see me be married. That I could not be trusted with any kind of authority or have expertise because I don't have a penis." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was offended by the $150 BILLION hoard. Actually that came after I left, I was offended that my agency was taken from me. My ability to make informed decisions. That my family couldn't see me be married. That I could not be trusted with any kind of authority or have expertise because I don't have a penis." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"The short answer why I left? Integrity. The church became something I no longer recognized. Jesus had been replaced by Corporate Mormon Jesus. It is not loving or forgiving, but most importantly, they are unrepentant. So I had to leave. A church that could not abide by the same rules its members are subject to cannot be God's church. Not the God I believed in." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"The short answer why I left? Integrity. The church became something I no longer recognized. Jesus had been replaced by Corporate Mormon Jesus. It is not loving or forgiving, but most importantly, they are unrepentant. So I had to leave. A church that could not abide by the same rules its members are subject to cannot be God's church. Not the God I believed in." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was a mormon for 43 years. Now I'm not. Now I live my values with integrity. Stoic philosophy reminds me to have balance and fortitude. The courage to admit when I'm wrong. And it's ok to not have all the answers." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was a mormon for 43 years. Now I'm not. Now I live my values with integrity. Stoic philosophy reminds me to have balance and fortitude. The courage to admit when I'm wrong. And it's ok to not have all the answers." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"It can be scary wondering what now when you deconstruct the faith you grew up in and/or had your identity tied to. For me and my family, we are happier. We live more abundantly. Outside the Church we can love each other and other humans more fully. We welcome diversity and differences." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"It can be scary wondering what now when you deconstruct the faith you grew up in and/or had your identity tied to. For me and my family, we are happier. We live more abundantly. Outside the Church we can love each other and other humans more fully. We welcome diversity and differences." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"What makes us different is way more real than what makes us the same. People are broken but such is not bad. Outside the Church we have been able to be more vulnerable. More authentic. More real. And we make safe space for others to do the same. We show up. We lean in. And we try to be present each and every moment." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"What makes us different is way more real than what makes us the same. People are broken but such is not bad. Outside the Church we have been able to be more vulnerable. More authentic. More real. And we make safe space for others to do the same. We show up. We lean in. And we try to be present each and every moment." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I slowly deconstructed my entire belief system and lost faith in Mormonism's truth claims and in Mormonism's ability to be healthy to others if those healthy interactions would damage the institutional Church. In the beginning I thought I was having a faith crisis. That wasn't true. I wanted Mormonism to be truth more than anything else. If anything maybe I cared too much. Instead the Church had a truth crisis." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I slowly deconstructed my entire belief system and lost faith in Mormonism's truth claims and in Mormonism's ability to be healthy to others if those healthy interactions would damage the institutional Church. In the beginning I thought I was having a faith crisis. That wasn't true. I wanted Mormonism to be truth more than anything else. If anything maybe I cared too much. Instead the Church had a truth crisis." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I had to come to grips that the Church shielding its members and the public generally from learning the complicated history was at least in large part intentional. This was hard. Once I dealt with that I was opened up to whether the truth claims of my beloved faith truly held up against the history and against thinking rationally and logically." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I had to come to grips that the Church shielding its members and the public generally from learning the complicated history was at least in large part intentional. This was hard. Once I dealt with that I was opened up to whether the truth claims of my beloved faith truly held up against the history and against thinking rationally and logically." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
I was a 17 year-old convert to the Church. Got married in the Washington D.C. Temple, served in leadership calling after leadership calling and at 29 years old was called to serve as a Bishop of a small mid-western ward in Ohio. I love to read books, listen to podcasts, and learn new things. I love faith development, Mormon history, my family, and being with the most awesome friends on the planet. I was a Mormon. - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
I was a 17 year-old convert to the Church. Got married in the Washington D.C. Temple, served in leadership calling after leadership calling and at 29 years old was called to serve as a Bishop of a small mid-western ward in Ohio. I love to read books, listen to podcasts, and learn new things. I love faith development, Mormon history, my family, and being with the most awesome friends on the planet. I was a Mormon. - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I believe in humanity. I believe there is mystery in the universe but I don't feel adequate naming it. I make space for people to believe differently and hope they give me the same with complete respect. I love people's stories and hope you recognize your story has value. Don't let anyone tell your story inaccurately. You have a right to your story being told. So with that I wish you the best on your journey." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I believe in humanity. I believe there is mystery in the universe but I don't feel adequate naming it. I make space for people to believe differently and hope they give me the same with complete respect. I love people's stories and hope you recognize your story has value. Don't let anyone tell your story inaccurately. You have a right to your story being told. So with that I wish you the best on your journey." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"The Church had a truth crisis. In my own personal growth and development, the Church no longer represented my values. I wasn't less than. I didn't want to sin. I wasn't lazy. I had outgrown Mormonism and it was no longer a safe place for me and the truths I held to voraciously." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"The Church had a truth crisis. In my own personal growth and development, the Church no longer represented my values. I wasn't less than. I didn't want to sin. I wasn't lazy. I had outgrown Mormonism and it was no longer a safe place for me and the truths I held to voraciously." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I learned the Church was causing real harm to people who did not fit the mold. The LGBT community was deeply at risk. Others included members who had doubts as well as members who concluded the Church was not what it claimed and left. I sensed just how precarious relationships are between people who loved each other but for which their doubt or disbelief led to believing family stepping back from full inclusive love. I learned the Church was not a safe place for many." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I learned the Church was causing real harm to people who did not fit the mold. The LGBT community was deeply at risk. Others included members who had doubts as well as members who concluded the Church was not what it claimed and left. I sensed just how precarious relationships are between people who loved each other but for which their doubt or disbelief led to believing family stepping back from full inclusive love. I learned the Church was not a safe place for many." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
I was born into the church, married in the temple, and remained active for 37 years. I had six kids that I homeschooled, I attended the temple monthly, faithfully paid tithing and gave generous fast offerings, served in many callings, and loved studying the gospel just for fun. I'm a direct descendant of Emma Smith. I love Crossfit, dancing, and all things outdoors. I was a mormon.
I was born into the church, married in the temple, and remained active for 37 years. I had six kids that I homeschooled, I attended the temple monthly, faithfully paid tithing and gave generous fast offerings, served in many callings, and loved studying the gospel just for fun. I'm a direct descendant of Emma Smith. I love Crossfit, dancing, and all things outdoors. I was a mormon.
Joseph Smith is my great, great, great grandfather, though these days I prefer to claim Emma because she's a badass... When I deconstructed Mormonism, I remember deconstructing Joseph Smith and all of the things I learned at once: he was dishonest, a con-man, a treasure digger, a polygamist, he coerced women and teens to marry him, and he was a narcissist. The Mormon in me was in disbelief, but the Smith in me recognized my father in Joseph Smith immediately.
Joseph Smith is my great, great, great grandfather, though these days I prefer to claim Emma because she's a badass... When I deconstructed Mormonism, I remember deconstructing Joseph Smith and all of the things I learned at once: he was dishonest, a con-man, a treasure digger, a polygamist, he coerced women and teens to marry him, and he was a narcissist. The Mormon in me was in disbelief, but the Smith in me recognized my father in Joseph Smith immediately.
I was excited when the new church history came out. I was surprised to hear a different version of church history than what I was raised with. I put myself in the shoes of the Saints and wondered if I were them, would I have accepted the church? To my own surprise, I admitted to myself that I probably would not have joined because it sounded a lot like a religious cult.
I was excited when the new church history came out. I was surprised to hear a different version of church history than what I was raised with. I put myself in the shoes of the Saints and wondered if I were them, would I have accepted the church? To my own surprise, I admitted to myself that I probably would not have joined because it sounded a lot like a religious cult.
Shortly after that feeling of peace and love from God in the temple, I watched General Conference and I was filled with fear about the spiritual and physical safety of my family, and frustration that my spouse gave up, and now it was all on me to keep my kids safely in the church. I was angry towards him, but then I remembered the feeling of peace and love I received from God, and I paused. I thought it was odd that the message of love/peace is what I received from God, and the message of fear is what I received from my leaders.
Shortly after that feeling of peace and love from God in the temple, I watched General Conference and I was filled with fear about the spiritual and physical safety of my family, and frustration that my spouse gave up, and now it was all on me to keep my kids safely in the church. I was angry towards him, but then I remembered the feeling of peace and love I received from God, and I paused. I thought it was odd that the message of love/peace is what I received from God, and the message of fear is what I received from my leaders.
I'm happier than I have ever been. My kids are happier too. My deconstruction of Mormonism led to the deconstruction of so many other things as well: I deconstructed patriarchy and reconstructed beautiful, badass womanhood. I deconstructed homophobia and reconstructed love and full acceptance for the lgbtq community that my beautiful children are now a part of. I deconstructed abuse from my personal relationships and reconstructed boundaries of safety and respect. Deconstruction has been the most painful and rewarding, beautiful experience of my life.
I'm happier than I have ever been. My kids are happier too. My deconstruction of Mormonism led to the deconstruction of so many other things as well: I deconstructed patriarchy and reconstructed beautiful, badass womanhood. I deconstructed homophobia and reconstructed love and full acceptance for the lgbtq community that my beautiful children are now a part of. I deconstructed abuse from my personal relationships and reconstructed boundaries of safety and respect. Deconstruction has been the most painful and rewarding, beautiful experience of my life.
This led me to research the question: How can I know when the prophets are speaking for God and when they are speaking as men? All I found were contradictions as I researched examples from church history. For instance, one prophet declares a doctrine, calls it such, and even declares it is from God, and later that doctrine is disavowed and called a policy by later prophets.
This led me to research the question: How can I know when the prophets are speaking for God and when they are speaking as men? All I found were contradictions as I researched examples from church history. For instance, one prophet declares a doctrine, calls it such, and even declares it is from God, and later that doctrine is disavowed and called a policy by later prophets.
I did find people that wanted to hear my story, and could either relate, or were fascinated by, and held space for, my experiences. I found authenticity, love, and acceptance  in new, beautiful, meaningful  relationships. These relationships are closer and more fulfilling than the relationships I had in Mormonism.  Looking back now, I realize Mormonism was never a space one could be authentic. When conformity and obedience is valued above all else; when you cannot question, criticize, research, or think outside of your belief system, there can’t be authenticity.
I did find people that wanted to hear my story, and could either relate, or were fascinated by, and held space for, my experiences. I found authenticity, love, and acceptance  in new, beautiful, meaningful  relationships. These relationships are closer and more fulfilling than the relationships I had in Mormonism.  Looking back now, I realize Mormonism was never a space one could be authentic. When conformity and obedience is valued above all else; when you cannot question, criticize, research, or think outside of your belief system, there can’t be authenticity.
I kept researching this question, trying to make it fit together, because I knew God was not a God of confusion, but I only found more and more disturbing facts in church history. And then I realized suddenly: **They are never speaking for God, they are always speaking as men.** And it suddenly ALL made sense. All at once, my entire testimony/worldview/identity crumbled. Thirty-seven years of faithful, believing membership, gone.
I kept researching this question, trying to make it fit together, because I knew God was not a God of confusion, but I only found more and more disturbing facts in church history. And then I realized suddenly: **They are never speaking for God, they are always speaking as men.** And it suddenly ALL made sense. All at once, my entire testimony/worldview/identity crumbled. Thirty-seven years of faithful, believing membership, gone.