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Hi, I'm Steven

I'm no longer Mormon

Utah
scubasteven1013 profile image for wasmormon.org

    About me

    I grew up in a mixed faith family. My biological mother was not religious, and actually hated the church for protecting the offender, rather than the victims. Which blows my mind because of the abuse I received at her hands.
    My grandparents were very active in the church and took me weekly. I'm told by family that my grandmother and great grandmother translated the Book of Mormon from English to Romanian. My grandmother translated at every conference for the people in Romania. So early on, the church was big in my life. When I was 15 I left the church to be rebellious. I really was the most well behaved rebellious kid out there. At 18, I started to come back. I felt at the time it was what I was missing. When I turned 19 I decided to skip the mission, and continue to learn from the church.
    Soon after I met my now ex-wife. I dedicated my life to being a good Priesthood holder, Husband and Father. I worked my tail off to be a great example to my kids in the church. After 11 years in a very unhealthy marriage, I decided to divorce my ex. Over the next 5 years, I tried to be as faithful in the church, as I could. But that's when things changed for me. We left (which will be explained more below).

    Now I know true happiness. I'm currently working on getting my records removed. It has been slow working with a really busy life. But it is something I want done for closure.

    Now my family and I have inside jokes about the trauma we all received. While we continue to work on ourselves without a religion hovering over us.
    It can be hard at times, because we have so many friends and family members still in the church. But to them I say "Did you ever ask why, or how it was for me/us? Or do you assume I/we made a mistake, and do you care enough to wonder why!?"

    # Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church

    When I was in the organization. I felt like I was forcing myself to accept something I didn't want to believe in. I would push myself to study, pray, pay a full tithe, fast, attend every meeting, ect.
    When I went through my divorce. My ex blasted me to the ward. Despite the many times I had been around them, they did not have enough respect to speak to me. I moved, and over the next two years I worked on being a good member while being told repeatedly how I failed to keep my family "together forever".
    Looking back, the 1st crack on my shelf was how I was denied my temple recommend because of child support (I owed, because I thought my ex and I would work on our marriage, and get back together. She was deceiving me, and waiting for ORS to have proof against me for Family Law). So while I was paying it back, I was not aloud to receive my recommend, until it was paid off.
    The crack grew more when I was told that my kids would no longer be sealed to me, because of the divorce. Although neither the bishop, or stake president could give me a reason why, or why not.
    I was sour about that. But decided that I didn't believe it, and God would work out the rest.
    I remarried, and we started off strong in the church. But certain things just weren't adding up for both of us. She decided to leave, and I wanted to. But I decided I would try to stay for our kids. The problem was.....everything I read, studied, or heard within the church started to feel like a lie. I deep down knew how I felt was true. I started to look into the history, the stories, and research documents on the church, about the church, and the men running it.
    It shattered my bookshelf.
    I went from feeling like a weekly disappointment at church, and daily waste of God son, to being the happiest I've ever been after leaving and letting go of the lies I've been fed all my life.
    Since I left in late 2020, I've learned so much about that organization. So many things make me sick. While many other things make me extremely angry.

    Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism

    #Link to this answer of 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?' by scubasteven1013 Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?'

    No! This always makes me laugh. If you think that......STOP thinking that. Stop being a lazy learner.

    #Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by scubasteven1013 Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'

    I'm a lot happier than I ever thought was possible. My life and mental health are experiencing new joys all the time.

    #Link to this answer of 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?' by scubasteven1013 Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God? See more answers about 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?'

    They do. I, however, do not believe him to be loving at all. I have several reasons for that starting with.
    - sexual assault victims that the church continues to try and cover up.
    - racism and how they continue to try and change things.
    - sexist. How people still try to tell me the church isn't. Also, how can a loving God be such a cruel Father to his LGBTQ+ kids?!
    - so many more

    Ask me about these, and I can give you clear answers.

    #Link to this answer of 'Is the church honest with you?' by scubasteven1013 Is the church honest with you? See more answers about 'Is the church honest with you?'

    Nope. The church isn't even honest enough to answer its own temple recommend question of "Are you honest in your dealings with your fellow men?"
    They hid money, they hid assets. Yet never gave a solid answer, or apology to its members.

    #Link to this answer of 'What do you feel or know about Joseph Smith's Polygamy?' by scubasteven1013 What do you feel or know about Joseph Smith's Polygamy? See more answers about 'What do you feel or know about Joseph Smith's Polygamy?'

    Oh, this is one of the reasons I hate the church. They will tell members that back when JS married an underage girl, that he did it for God, or for another reason. JS was a sick con-man. He definitely had sex, or forced himself on other women/girls, or manipulated people into letting him marry these women/girls. He also had his right-hand man, John C. Bennet, perform the abortions. 100% CON-MAN

    #Link to this answer of 'What do you believe now?' by scubasteven1013 What do you believe now? See more answers about 'What do you believe now?'

    I believe that if there is a God, they are letting things happen as they are. Not helping in any way, but also not causing problems.

    I also feel partial to reincarnation. I feel that with certain people in my life, when I have met them, I knew them right away. Maybe it's possible, maybe it's not.

    #Link to this answer of 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?' by scubasteven1013 Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? See more answers about 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?'

    No, not only has history proven that things never happened. But JS looked into a Hat of Stones to read gold plates that he had to fight people off from stealing from him. He also had to run home with them. JS had a bad limp and would not have been able to run with gold plates, away from people.

    Spotlight on scubasteven1013

    • - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/ - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • When I was 15 I left the church to be rebellious. I really was the most well behaved rebellious kid out there. At 18, I started to come back. I felt at the time it was what I was missing. When I turned 19 I decided to skip the mission, and continue to learn from the church. Soon after I met my now ex-wife. I dedicated my life to being a good Priesthood holder, Husband and Father. I worked my tail off to be a great example to my kids in the church. After 11 years in a very unhealthy marriage, I decided to divorce my ex. Over the next 5 years, I tried to be as faithful in the church, as I could. But that's when things changed for me. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • When I went through my divorce. My ex blasted me to the ward. Despite the many times I had been around them, they did not have enough respect to speak to me. I moved, and over the next two years I worked on being a good member while being told repeatedly how I failed to keep my family "together forever". - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • Looking back, the 1st crack on my shelf was how I was denied my temple recommend because of child support (I owed, because I thought my ex and I would work on our marriage, and get back together. She was deceiving me, and waiting for ORS to have proof against me for Family Law). So while I was paying it back, I was not aloud to receive my recommend, until it was paid off. The crack grew more when I was told that my kids would no longer be sealed to me, because of the divorce. Although neither the bishop, or stake president could give me a reason why, or why not. I was sour about that. But decided that I didn't believe it, and God would work out the rest. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • I remarried, and we started off strong in the church. But certain things just weren't adding up for both of us. She decided to leave, and I wanted to. But I decided I would try to stay for our kids. The problem was everything I read, studied, or heard within the church started to feel like a lie. I deep down knew how I felt was true. I started to look into the history, the stories, and research documents on the church, about the church, and the men running it. It shattered my shelf. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • I went from feeling like a weekly disappointment at church, and daily waste of God son, to being the happiest I've ever been after leaving and letting go of the lies I've been fed all my life. Since I left, I've learned so much about that organization. So many things make me sick. While many other things make me extremely angry. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • I'm a lot happier than I ever thought was possible. My life and mental health are experiencing new joys all the time. Now I know true happiness. I'm currently working on getting my records removed. It has been slow working with a really busy life. But it is something I want done for closure. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • I don't believe the Book of Mormon is true. Not only has history proven that things never happened. But Joseph Smith looked into a Hat of Stones to read gold plates that he had to fight people off from stealing from him. He also had to run home with them. Joseph Smith had a bad limp and would not have been able to run with gold plates, away from people. Joseph Smith was a sick con-man. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • When I was in the organization, I felt like I was forcing myself to accept something I didn't want to believe in. I would push myself to study, pray, pay a full tithe, fast, attend every meeting, ect. Now my family and I have inside jokes about the trauma we all received. While we continue to work on ourselves without a religion hovering over us. It can be hard at times, because we have so many friends and family members still in the church. - Steven's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/
    • This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/scubasteven1013/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
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