Hi, I’m Brandee

For the entirety of my Mormon identity, I always had unsettling feelings about the church and the beliefs. throughout my entire life I was never treated fairly, I was always bullied by the adults of the church and always kicked out of young women’s activities, girls camp and seminary class for asking questions about doctrine.

My senior year in seminary, my teacher was angry with my questions and decided to talk to me privately in a one exit room, instead yelled at me, making me cry and making me very uncomfortable. I decided I did not have to take the abuse any longer and told him I was leaving. to which he replied “no you’re not.” he then barricaded the only exit to the room with his body, pushing the door closed and holding onto the door knob, at this point I felt extreme fear for my safety, not knowing if he was going to hurt me or violate me so I took it upon myself to force his hands off of the door knob and shove his body to the other room and leave. after the school did nothing, I decided that if no one in the church for my entire life just wanted to push me out, then fine, I was done and I decided to never turn back.

Another scary interaction I had as a CHILD in the mormon church; I really needed to use the restroom during Sunday school, but my male teacher was not allowing me so I decided instead of soiling my clothes, to make my way to the bathroom. It really angered my teacher and he followed me into the women’s restroom and tried to force me out of the stall, saying I didn’t have permission from him. as a 12 year old little girl, I was so scared and didn’t understand why a man would be so angry that I desperately needed to use the restroom and thought that it was totally okay to follow someone who couldn’t defend themselves, to an area specifically designated for her.

Another time, on a hot day in Utah, I decided to wear knee length shorts to a mutual activity. Mind you, the young men were wear shorts as well, but I was the only one sent home for wearing shorts because I was “making the bishop uncomfortable.” and that I should just “make the bishop happy.” Why as a teen girl is my bishop sexualizing legs?

Today, 05/12/2024, I decided it was time to take my name off of the church records, I made my way to the meeting building to talk to the bishop, gave my story and said I have found Islam instead. his response to my conversion to islam is as follows, “i hope you understand the consequences you will forever face for becoming a Muslim. The problem with you Muslims and you Arabs is, you think that you own everything, you think that everything in this world belongs to you.”…all I wanted was my name to be removed, not for you to be islamophobic and racist to me because you THINK that it will change my mind and bring me back to church. Even in the end, cutting ties and removing whatever trace of mormonism was left in my life, I was left hurt, and crying all over again. I felt like I did when I was a child, not understanding why 40 year olds were beefing with a 13 year old.