Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
Images
'I might close my own remarks the same way Stewart Udall closed his Statement of Conscience when he distanced himself from the church seventy-five years ago: "All this is said respectfully, in the realization that the Church contains much that is good, true, and beautiful …. and that it fills a felt need for most of its adherents. I nevertheless feel that I cannot enter into full communion with the church, indeed cannot commune with it at all in good conscience, as long as these attitudes, ideas and principles - and the men who further them - dominate the church."' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"Most of the answers from FAIR and other apologists were good enough for me. What I could never resolve, though, was the feeling of betrayal at having to learn these things from hostile sources instead of the church itself, or why it had sanitized, dumbed down, and misrepresented its history, which is ethically dubious at best and has caused a lot of avoidable problems. Why didn't prophets, seers and revelators have the foresight to be more honest before the internet gave them no choice?" - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I do, however, want to get outside of its conditioning and see it more as outsiders see it. I want to learn in depth about other religions as objectively as I can, without evaluating all of their teachings through the filter of how much they align with what I already believe. I have no predetermined destination in mind and no goal of converting to something else. In all this, my highest priority is my personal relationship with God, which the church taught me to value. - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I was born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but, like all members, had to decide for myself whether I actually believed in it or not. I thought it was boring and my attitude toward it ranged from apathetic to hostile until a random spiritual epiphany around age twelve or so. From then on it was an incentive for me to not kill myself, first out of fear that I would be punished for it and later out of love for God and hope for a better future. I was a Mormon" - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"The church's history/beliefs with race (including but not limited to the Priesthood) are abysmal, full stop, and in my opinion there simply is no adequate explanation for why an organization led by God screwed up so badly on such a basic issue as the equality of God's children. I found this topic very troubling as a Mormon and researched it more than almost anyone else in the world, hoping that at some point it would make sense. That didn't happen." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'I did "doubt my doubts." I was not a "lazy learner" or a "lax disciple." I've tried to be an honest seeker of truth, and at this time, my honest truth-seeking has led me outside of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I appreciate much of what I've learned and gained from the church and I don't intend to throw it all away.' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'And no, it's not true that "everyone was just as racist back then." Many people opposed slavery and supported the civil rights movement while this church did the opposite. Recognizing that its stance on race was never inspired helped me to recognize that its stances on women and LGBT+ individuals aren't inspired either.' - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
Decaf Coffee deemed OK by David O McKay First Presidency in 1965
Meme showing Mormon Missionary Meme with the text "Do you have a few minutes to listen to us say the full name of our church?"
Mormons: A "Pre-Nelson" term which today equates to Sustaining Contributors to the Corporation of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, doing business as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints®️, a registered trademark of Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
Elijah Abel was the first black person to be baptized in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was also the first black man to receive the priesthood, ordained an elder in 1836 under the hands of the prophet Joseph Smith.
"After Abel's death, LDS Church president Joseph F. Smith on multiple occasions declared Abel's ordination to the priesthood as "null and void by [Joseph Smith] himself because of his blackness", suggesting based on Coltrin's previous testimony that Joseph Smith before his death had indeed repented of his initial decision that Abel receive the priesthood. Scarcely a few years had passed since Joseph F. Smith had himself been the one to ordain Abel and to set him apart to serve his final church mission. Apostle Joseph Fielding Smith, who later became president of the church, went so far as to suggest that there had been two Elijah Abels – one white and one black." - Elijah Abel, Disputes over priesthood, Posthumous commentary on Abel's priesthood, Wikipedia.org
"In the early twentieth century, Able’s status as a black priesthood holder was largely forgotten. Historians later rediscovered the story of Able’s ordination, his faith in the restored gospel, and his service as an early missionary." Church History Topics: Elijah Able, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
License for Elijah Able, 31 March 1836, p. 61, The Joseph Smith Papers
https://www.josephsmithpapers.org/paper-summary/license-for-elijah-able-31-march-1836/1
"This certifies that Elijah Able has been received into the church of the Latter Day Saints, organized on the sixth of April, in the year of our Lord, one thousand, eight hundred & thirty, & has been ordained an Elder according to the rules & regulations of said church, & is duly authorized to preach the gospel agreeably to the authority of that Office. From the satisfactory evidence which we have of his good moral character, & his zeal for the cause of righteousness, & diligent desire to persuade men to forsake evil & embrace truth, we confidently recommend him to all candid & upright people as a worthy member of society. We, therefore in the name, & by the authority of this church, grant unto this, our worthy brother in the Lord, this letter of commendation as a proof of our fellowship & Esteem: Praying for his success & prosperity in our Redeemer’s Cause. Given by the direction of a conference of the Elders of said church, Assembled in Kirtland, Geauga County, Ohio, the third day of March, in the year of our Lord, one thousand eight hundred & thirty six. [signed] Joseph Smith Jr., March 31, 1836." - License for Elijah Able, 31 March 1836, p. 61, The Joseph Smith Papers
"How grateful I am that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has from its beginnings stood strongly against racism in any of its malignant manifestations." - Elder Alexander B Morrison, First Quorum of the Seventy
"Unfortunately, racism—the abhorrent and morally destructive theory that claims superiority of one person over another by reason of race, color, ethnicity, or cultural background—remains one of the abiding sins of societies the world over. The cause of much of the strife and conflict in the world, racism is an offense against God and a tool in the devil’s hands." - Elder Alexander B Morrison, First Quorum of the Seventy
"If you allow the people of the church to turn you against the church, then you were not worthy to be in the church in the first place" - Ezra Taft Benson, speaking to Natalie Palmer-Taylor, a black mother upset that her child was a target of a racial epithet from another member, 1988
"You keep your eyes riveted on the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. We will not lead you astray. We cannot." - Elder M Russell Ballard, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, March 12, 1996
"If there is a despicable character on the face of the earth, it is an apostate from this Church. He is a traitor who has deceived his best friends, betrayed his trust, and forfeited every principle of honor that God placed within him. They may think they are respected, but they are not. They are disgraced in their own eyes. There is not much honesty within them; they have forfeited their heaven, sold their birth right, and betrayed their friends." - President Brigham Young, Journal of Discources 12:20
"An official Church Statement says: "On Friday evening they were having dinner together in the mission president's home when armed assailants entered the home and robbed them. We don't have complete information yet, but we understand that Sister Packard's arm was broken. In addition, she and others suffered some superficial injuries, mainly cuts and bruises. Elder and Sister Nelson will continue their assignment over the weekend as planned." - In May 2009 Elder Nelson was attacked during a visit to Africa.
"On one occasion, we were attacked by armed men with malicious intent. They announced their purpose: to kidnap her, and to kill me. After they maliciously molested us in those evil objectives, they became totally foiled. A gun to my head failed to fire. And my wife was suddenly released from their hideous grasp. Then they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. We were mercifully rescued from potential disaster. We know we were protected by angels round about us." - In 2015, Elder Nelson retells an embellished version of the robbery.
Find Daniel's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/. There are over a hundred more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I quickly realized the narrative taught in the Church is far from truthful, and doesn’t match the historical or scientific record." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"This lead to depression - it’s difficult to pretend to believe something you think is hurtful, especially when you fear losing your wife and children if you decide to leave the church. The Church has an undeniable history of racism and sexism. The Church has over 100 Billion in assets and gives an infinitesimally small portion to the poor." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I suffered from severe scrupulosity (religious OCD) and felt I was constantly a sinner. I never realized that the Church membership made up less than 0.2% of the world population, and the amount of active believers was far less than that. In my late 20s, I began reading the Church’s “Gospel Topics Essays”, and quickly began feeling uneasy with the history of the Church. I spent 5 years reading everything I could about the history of the Church, Joseph Smith, and The Book of Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"The leaders of the church couldn’t answer my questions and told me to keep believing. I made the decision to leave and haven’t looked back. There have been new challenges with leaving, but being able to be honest with myself has created a new found peace. I’m living in the here and now, and not living out of fear. Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I’m a Family Physician in Minnesota, but I grew up in Idaho in a community that was predominantly Mormon. I never questioned the historical claims of the Church and trusted all my Church leaders that what I was taught was true. All my major life decisions including family, education, and finances were heavily influenced by my desire to gain salvation by following the rules and policies of the church. I was a Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance" - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I learned about confession and that any sexual sin had to be confessed to a Bishop. Like most young boys, I masturbated but I felt extremely guilty, fearful, and ashamed every time. My mind would obsess about how bad this was and that I was now one button push away from God sending me to Hell. I had to confess. The first time I went to the Bishop I engaged in some small talk and then sort of 'oh by the way' mentioned it to him; said it wasn't a problem anymore. He confirmed by asking 'but it's not a problem now' and I said no it's not. What I didn't realize was that I had felt this huge relief known as negative reinforcement, similar to compulsions and addictions providing temporary relief from emotional pain." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My emotional pain was not because of some reality, it was painful because of what I was taught about sex, the severe penalties, and the unconscious conclusions I made about the author of these laws and punishments. I was well on my way to a performance-driven sense of self-worth and toxic perfectionism. When I lived well, which was probably most of the time, that didn't matter. What mattered was that I did something 'wrong'. I told myself 'that's the last time' hundreds of times and my self-doubt and self-hate grew deeper with each broken promise. I was drowning in shame and thought I deserved it. This was not just a cognitive process; it was experiential, highly emotional, and triggered stress responses of 'freeze' and 'fawning'. I'd give up and feel discouraged or run to the Bishop hoping he would forgive me. God's forgiveness wasn't a big deal to me, it was the Bishop who had the power as God's agent to act on His behalf." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I was scripted, programmed. The software of my head was installed because I didn't have the expertise or knowledge to write the program like prophets. They knew what was best for me. I was a nervous kid as far as I remember but anxiety when to a whole new level in my experiences with the church." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"These are some of my experiences with the Mormon brand. Some will blame my OCD and yes, that played some role but let's look at the authoritarian leadership style, the 'always right' hierarchical decisions, the high-control 'systems' like mandatory confession for forgiveness, courts of love, temple marriage in order to be with family, and control over knowledge and learning not approved by First Presidency." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"The certainty I was given also became my comfort zone. It wasn't until many years later that I realized how I limited my personal vision of what life could be because I didn't realize I needed more than these prescribed steps to Heaven. Life was more than salvation and safety. I was living in Pleasantville and wanted to please my fellow members and local leaders. I was codependent before I knew what that meant." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"Today, I'm learning about GRACE. Grace makes unconditional, unselfish love the highest value and obedience is not to a system; it's not outside-in or in reaction to fear of punishment or hope for reward (external motivation). Grace and love show us who God is, who we are, and that all people have great worth. Faith in Christ is central, not an organization or prophet. If our paradigm of God changes from an authoritarian God to a charitable God, we can see ourselves differently and want to live differently - acting freely and not being compelled." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
Find John's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/. There are over a hundred more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I felt a warm feeling when I learned that God appeared in these last days and would actually visit a young boy. The picture and the story created a feeling of comfort and awe. I was baptized shortly thereafter. I felt at home. The church gave me certainty; a turnkey franchise to Heaven - exclusive distribution of salvation, knowledge, and priesthood power. No other churches could do this for me. I had it made. I felt safe." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I grew up in the Catholic Church and converted to Mormonism when I was 14. I'm a graduate business professor. I seek truth more than highly emotional convictions found in religion. I was a mormon." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My mission took anxiety to a whole new level. I didn't want to burn up with guilt or be unworthy. This was the beginning of OCD - the pathological kind, not the movie kind! When I was in the mission field, I obsessed every day about sin and worthiness. I never felt worthy enough. I suffered terribly." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
!["After Abel's death, LDS Church president Joseph F. Smith on multiple occasions declared Abel's ordination to the priesthood as "null and void by [Joseph Smith] himself because of his blackness", suggesting based on Coltrin's previous testimony that Joseph Smith before his death had indeed repented of his initial decision that Abel receive the priesthood. Scarcely a few years had passed since Joseph F. Smith had himself been the one to ordain Abel and to set him apart to serve his final church mission. Apostle Joseph Fielding Smith, who later became president of the church, went so far as to suggest that there had been two Elijah Abels – one white and one black." - Elijah Abel, Disputes over priesthood, Posthumous commentary on Abel's priesthood, Wikipedia.org | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Elijah-Abel-church-president-declared-Abels-priesthood-null-and-void-because-of-his-blackness-or-suggest-two-Elijah-Abels.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
