Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
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"I remained a faithful member of the church, fulfilling all my church obligations, attending meetings, observing the Word of Wisdom, wearing my temple garments. But I was struggling mightily to reconcile the church's inconsistencies, lies, and dubious past with my faith in its divinity. It was at a single moment one day in the university library when I was pondering this problem. I was suddenly struck with the thought, "All of these problems disappear as soon as you realize that the Mormon church is just another man-made institution. Everything then is easily explained." It was like a revelation. The weight suddenly lifted from me and I was filled with a feeling of joy and exhilaration. Of course! Why hadn't I seen it before?" - Richard Packham | https://wasmormon.org/profile/richard-packham/
"I am descended from a long line of faithful Mormons. All of my ancestors in every branch of my family, for four, five and six generations, were Mormons. The Mormons and their history are my heritage. It is my only heritage. It is where I come from. I left the Mormon church in 1958, when I was 25 years old. I was a Mormon." - Richard Packham | https://wasmormon.org/profile/richard-packham/
"Subsequent study has given me a hundred times as much damning information about the church and its history as I had at the time of my original decision to leave it. Many Mormon friends and family members have tried to convince me that I made a mistake, but when I insist that they also listen to what I have to say about my reasons for believing the church to be false, they soon abandon the attempt, even though I assure them that my mind is open to any evidence or reasoning I may have overlooked." - Richard Packham | https://wasmormon.org/profile/richard-packham/
"The Adam-God problem continued to occupy my mind. I finally decided to try to settle the matter. If the doctrine were true, I was willing, as a faithful member of the church, to accept it. If it were not true, I needed some explanation about the apparent fact that Brigham Young (and other church authorities of his time) vigorously taught it. So I composed a letter to Joseph Fielding Smith, whom I respected very much, and who at the time was the Church Historian and the president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. I spelled out to President Smith my dilemma: the evidence seemed to be clear and uncontroverted that Brigham Young had taught that Adam is God the Father. But the present church does not teach this. What is the truth? I secretly thought that President Smith would write back and say something like: "Yes, you can be assured that President Young taught the truth: Adam is our Father and our God. The church does not proclaim this precious truth because we do not wish to expose the mysteries of God to the mockery of the world. Preserve this secret truth as you do the secrets of your temple endowment." I received a short and clear answer to my letter from President Smith. It was quite different from what I had expected. He wrote that such an idea was unscriptural and untrue, and completely false. He did not deal with the evidence that Brigham Young had taught it. He ignored the whole problem as if it didn't exist. It bothered me, but I tried to put it out of my mind." - Richard Packham | https://wasmormon.org/profile/richard-packham/
"I was offered a scholarship at Northwestern University to work on a master's degree. So my young wife and I with our two (at that time) babies moved to Evanston, Illinois, and for the first time in my life I was surrounded by non-Mormons. I was the only Mormon in my university program. This did not intimidate me in the least. I felt that I was intelligent enough, knowledgeable enough about religion, and skillful enough in debating skills to discuss, defend and promote my religion with anybody. I soon found takers. Many of my fellow graduate students had questions about Mormonism. They were friendly questions, but challenging. For the first time in my life I had the opportunity to spread the gospel. It was exhilarating. We had some wonderful discussions. They asked me questions that I was unable to answer satisfactorily because they were based on facts I was unfamiliar with. I had never heard about the Danite enforcer gangs, about the Blood Atonement Doctrine or the Adam-God Doctrine. Where did these horrible allegations come from?" - Richard Packham | https://wasmormon.org/profile/richard-packham/
Would you rather an ugly truth or a pretty lie? | wasmormon.org
"We want to help in every way we can. We are not a wealthy people but we are good people, and we share what we have." - Elder Neil L Andersen to Zimbabwean Vice President Kembo Mohadi
Read Beth's full I was a Mormon story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
All my children have left the church, each for their own reasons, and my husband eventually left as well. We are all so happy and content with our life now. Finding a Community has been tough but I wouldn’t change anything. The people in our lives now are genuine, kind and real. There is life after mormonism, and it's wonderful. | https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
Like a lot of people, my final Sunday at church was the last Sunday before Covid. I started listening to podcasts and came across one about a lady who had left the Mormon church. Everything she said resonated with me so strongly and I wanted to learn more. I listened to everything I could find, Mormon Stories, etc. I knew I was completely done and was never going back. | https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
I eventually went back to church because I still had little ones at home and thought it was the only way. My shelf was so full of teachings I didn’t understand and things I no longer believed in. They put me in Relief Society for five years but I would only teach lessons on god's love and faith and enduring to the end. | https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
I had my first faith crisis when our oldest started giving us trouble in high school. I realized then, that my eternal family may not be so eternal. I also realized I believed in a very scary and judgmental God and I didn’t like it. I went inactive for about a year. I started studying other books about God, his love, his mercy. | https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
When I was 12, two Mormon missionaries showed up at our door. My mom, sister and I were baptized shortly after. I was semi-active during the next six years but ended up going to Rick's college where I met my husband. Two years later, we both went on missions. Four month after we returned we were married in the Oakland temple. My desire was always to give my future children a different life than I had. I fully embraced the gospel during and after my mission and loved it. We raised four children in the church, served in many callings and was all in. | https://wasmormon.org/profile/beth/
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned." - Richard Feynman
Would you want to know if the reality of your life was different than you thought and expected? Different than you had been taught to believe it was? "You take the blue pill... the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill... you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." - The Matrix
Ward Teaching Message, Full page from The Improvement Era Magazine, June 1945
Cover of The Improvement Era Magazine, June 1945
"In two speeches delivered before the Utah territorial legislature in January and February 1852, Brigham Young announced a policy restricting men of black African descent from priesthood ordination. At the same time, President Young said that at some future day, black Church members would “have [all] the privilege and more” enjoyed by other members." - Race and the Priesthood, LDS Church Gospel Topic Essay
"It is a great blessing to the seed of Adam to have the seed of Cain for servants... Under these circumstances, their blessings in life are greater in proportion than those who have to provide bread and dinner for them... If we suffer the Devil to rule over us we shall not accomplish any good... Consequently, I will not consent for a moment to have the children of Cain rule me, nor my brethren. No, it is not right." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"In the kingdom of God on the earth, a man who has African blood in him cannot hold one jot nor title of priesthood; Why? because they are the true eternal principles the Lord Almighty has ordained...and not one particle of power can that posterity of Cain have, until the time comes He says He will have it taken away. The time will come when they will have the privilege of all we have the privilege of and more. In the kingdom of God on earth, the Africans cannot hold one particle of power in Government...inasmuch as it is the Lord's will, they should receive the spirit of God by Baptism; and that is the end of their privilege; and there is no power on earth to give them any more power." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"What is that mark? You will see it on the countenance of every African you ever did see upon the face of the earth, or ever will see. Now I tell you what I know; when the mark was put upon Cain, Abels's children were in all probability young; the Lord told Cain that he should not receive the blessings of the priesthood nor his seed, until the last of the posterity of Able had received the priesthood, until the redemption of the earth. If there never was a prophet or apostle of Jesus Christ who spoke it before, I tell you, the people that are commonly called negroes are the children of old Cain. I know they are, I know that they cannot bear rule in the priesthood." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"Let this Church which is called the kingdom of God on the earth and here declare that it is right to mingle our seed, with the black race of Cain, that they shall come in with us and be partakers with us of all the blessings God has given to us. On that very day, and hour we should do so, the priesthood is taken from this Church and kingdom and God leaves us to our fate. The moment we consent to mingle with the seed of Cain the Church must go to destruction." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"Perhaps I have said enough upon this subject. I have given you the true principles and doctrine...they shall have the right of citizenship, but shall not have the right to dictate in Church and State matters. The abolitionists of the east, have caressed them there, and their whole argument is calculated to darken Counsel as it was here yesterday... What the Gentiles are doing we are consenting to do. What we are trying to do today is to make the Negro equal with us in all our privileges. My voice shall be against it all the day long. I shall not consent for one moment for this council to lay a plan to bring a curse upon this people. I shall not while I am here." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"Were the children of God to mingle their seed with the seed of Cain it would not only bring the curse of being deprived of the power of the priesthood upon themselves but entail it upon their children after them, and they cannot get rid of it. If a man in an unguarded moment should commit such a transgression, if he would walk up and say cut off my head, and kill man mother and child it would do a great deal towards atoning for the sin. Would this be to curse them? No, it would be a blessing to them. It would do them good that they might be saved with their brethren. A man would shudder should they hear us talk about killing folk, but it is one of the greatest blessings to some to kill them." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on February 5, 1852
"A strong abolitionist feeling has power over them, and they commence to whisper round their views upon the subject, saying, “Do you think it’s right? I am afraid it is not right.” I know it is right, and there should be a law made to have the slaves serve their masters, because they are not capable of ruling themselves. When the Lord God cursed old Cain, He said, “Until the last drop of Abel’s blood receives the Priesthood, and enjoys the blessings of the same, Cain shall bear the curse;” then Cain is calculated to have his share next and not until then" - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on January 23, 1852
"I will remark with regard to slavery, inasmuch as we believe in the Bible, inasmuch as we believe in the ordinances of God, in the Priesthood and order and decrees of God, we must believe in slavery. This colored race have been subjected to severe curses, which they have in their families and their classes and in their various capacities brought upon themselves. And until the curse is removed by Him who placed it upon them, they must suffer under its consequences; I am not authorized to remove it. I am a firm believer in slavery." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on January 23, 1852
"I am firm in the belief that they ought to dwell in servitude. When a master has a Negro and uses him well, he is much better off than if he was free. As for masters knocking them down and whipping them and breaking the limbs of their servants, I have as little opinion of that as any person can have; but good wholesome servitude, I know there is nothing better than that." - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on January 23, 1852
"In short, as far as the common comforts of life, salvation, light, truth, enjoyment, and understanding are concerned, the Black African has precisely the same privilege as the white man. But they cannot share in the Priesthood; they cannot bear rule; they cannot bear rule in any place until the curse is removed from them; they are a “servant of servants.”" - Mormon Prophet, LDS Church President, Governor of Utah, Brigham Young on January 23, 1852
Blacks Get Priesthood - Newspaper Headline from 1978 when Priesthood Ban on Blacks is removed in new policy
"My knowledge of the deep humanitarianism of the Mormon people leads me to think that if the question could be openly discussed they would line up on the side of justice. Such open discussion, especially in print, however, is a perilous undertaking for any member. It automatically leaves him open to the charge of "disobedience to constituted authority" which may lead to his being excommunicated... In writing this article for publication the author does so in a spirit of constructive criticism" - Dr Lowry Nelson, Mormons and the Negro, The Nation, May 24, 1952
"An announcement ex-cathedra on this question would be accepted by the body of the church; joyfully by some although, no doubt, reluctantly by others. It is recognized, of course, that it is very difficult for a religion based upon revelation to modify its doctrines, but few other denominations have the procedures for change that the Mormon church has. The leaders of this church are men of good will. It is difficult to believe that deep in their own hearts they are not troubled by the ethical problem which this bit of dogma presents." - Dr Lowry Nelson, Mormons and the Negro, The Nation, May 24, 1952
"The blessings of the Mormon Church cannot be extended to anyone with Negro "blood". This unfortunate policy of the church is a source of embarrassment and humiliation to thousands of its members who find no basis for it in the teachings of Jesus. The issue has become increasingly important as members see their fellow Christians engaged in programs to reduce racial prejudice — programs in which they cannot fully participate. Such persons would like to see the policy altered in the interest of peace and simple humanitarianism." - Dr Lowry Nelson, Mormons and the Negro, The Nation, May 24, 1952
"We may not permit ourselves to be too much impressed by the reasonings of men however well-founded they may seem to be. We should like to say this to you in all kindness and in all sincerity that you are too fine a man to permit yourself to be led off from the principles of the Gospel by worldly learning. You have too much of a potentiality for doing good and we therefore prayerfully hope that you can reorient your thinking and bring it in line with the revealed word of God." - President George Albert Smith to Dr Lowry Nelson, 1947
"After seeing the devastation of Europe this summer,
I am appalled by the sight of it and the contemplation of what mankind can collectively do to himself, unless somehow we, collectively – the human family – can put love of each other above hatred and somehow come to a mutual respect based upon understanding, and recognize that others, although they may be different from us, are not by that fact alone inferior." - Dr Lowry Nelson to First Presidency of George Albert Smith, 1947
"I am deeply troubled. Having decided through earnest study that one of the chief causes of war is the existence of ethnocentrism among the peoples of the world; that war is our major social evil which threatens to send all of us to destruction; and that we can ameliorate these feelings of ethnocentrism by promoting understanding of one people by others; I am now confronted with this doctrine of my own church which says in effect that white supremacy is part of God's plan for His children" - Dr Lowry Nelson to First Presidency of George Albert Smith, 1947
"So we are in the position, it seems to me, of accepting a doctrine regarding the Negro which was enunciated by the Hebrews during a very early stage in their development. Moreover, and this is the important matter to me, it does not square with what seems an acceptable standard of justice today; nor with the letter or spirit of the teachings of Jesus Christ. I cannot find any support for such a doctrine of inequality in His recorded sayings." - Dr Lowry Nelson to First Presidency of George Albert Smith, 1947
"Your ideas, appear to contemplate the intermarriage of the Negro and White races, a concept which has heretofore been most repugnant to most normal-minded people. We are not unmindful of the fact that there is a growing tendency toward the breaking down of race barriers in the matter of intermarriage between whites and blacks, but it does not have the sanction of the Church and is contrary to Church doctrine." - First Presidency of George Albert Smith to Dr Lowry Nelson, 1947
"From the days of the Prophet Joseph even until now, it has been the doctrine of the Church, never questioned by any of the Church leaders, that the Negroes are not entitled to the full blessings of the Gospel." - First Presidency of George Albert Smith to Dr Lowry Nelson, 1947
"The social side of the Restored Gospel is only an incident of it; it is not the end thereof.
The basic element of your ideas and concepts seems to be that all God's children stand in equal positions before Him in all things. Your knowledge of the Gospel will indicate to you that this is contrary to the very fundamentals of God's dealings." - First Presidency of George Albert Smith, J Reuben Clark, David O McKay to Dr Lowry Nelson, 1947
"There is no doubt in my mind that our Church could perform a great service in Cuba, particularly in the rural areas, but it would be far better that we not go in at all, than to go in and promote racial distinction.
I wanted you to know my feelings on this question and trust you will understand the spirit in which I say these things. I want to see us promote love and harmony among peoples of the earth." - Sociologist Dr. Lowry Nelson to President George Albert Smith, 1947
I have the "impression that there is no irrevocable church doctrine on this subject. I am not unaware of statements and impressions which have been passed down, but I had never been brought face to face with the possibility that the doctrine was finally crystallized. I devoutly hope that such crystallization has not taken place. The many good friends of mixed blood and who know me to be a Mormon would be shocked indeed if I were to tell them my Church relegated them to an inferior status." - Sociologist Dr. Lowry Nelson to President George Albert Smith, 1947
"I think our system of religious organization could serve the rural Cuban people as no other system could. I am sad to have to write you and say that it would be better for the Cubans if we did not enter their island - unless we are willing to revise our racial theory. To teach them the pernicious doctrine of segregation and inequalities among races where it does not exist, or to lend religious sanction to it where it has raised its ugly head would be tragic.
It seems to me we just fought a war over such ideas." - Sociologist Dr. Lowry Nelson to Mission President Heber Meeks, 1947
"The attitude of the Church in regard to the Negro makes me very sad. Your letter is the first intimation I have had that there was a fixed doctrine on this point. I had always known that certain statements had been made by authorities regarding the status of the Negro, but I had never assumed that they constituted an irrevocable doctrine. I hope no final word has been said on this matter. I must say that I have never been able to accept the idea, and never shall. I do not believe that God is a racist." - Sociologist Dr. Lowry Nelson to Mission President Heber Meeks, 1947
"I would appreciate your opinion as to the advisability of doing missionary work particularly in the rural sections of Cuba, knowing, of course, our concept of the Negro and his position as to the Priesthood. Are there groups of pure white blood in the rural sections, particularly in the small communities? If so, are they maintaining segregation from the Negroes?" Mission President Heber Meeks to Sociologist Dr. Lowry Nelson, 1947
The Matrix is a great metaphor for a faith crisis. Imagine finding out that everything you ever believed, everything you ever knew, was a lie. The church doesn’t want you to find out the truth. They need you to power their machine. Don’t be like Cypher, blissfully ignorant. Be like Neo. Wake up!
"You take the blue pill... the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill... you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." The Matrix
"Permit me to quote the passages which seem to be brought most in question: “He (Lucifer) wins a great victory when he can get members of the Church to speak against their leaders and to ‘do their own thinking” & “When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done. When they propose a plan–it is God’s plan. When they point the way, there is no other which is safe. When they give direction, it should mark the end of controversy….”" - Unitarian Minister J Raymond Cope's letter to President George Albert Smith
!["In two speeches delivered before the Utah territorial legislature in January and February 1852, Brigham Young announced a policy restricting men of black African descent from priesthood ordination. At the same time, President Young said that at some future day, black Church members would “have [all] the privilege and more” enjoyed by other members." - Race and the Priesthood, LDS Church Gospel Topic Essay | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Misleading-quotes-in-Race-and-the-Priesthood-LDS-Gospel-Topic-Essay.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
