Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
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Trigger Warning: Abuse! My mom would abuse me in the name of religion. She’d sometimes approach me and tell me that the Holy Ghost told her that I did something bad and needed to be punished. I’d then get beat up, grounded, or possessions taken away. I never did anything that the Holy Ghost accused me of. I once got accused of doing drugs by the Holy Ghost (which I never touched). The Holy Ghost even told my mom that I was having sex with my dad (very not true). My mom would beat me to “knock the satan” out of me. - Sandra's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sandra/
My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad left the church. Every time I went to church, members would tell me how amazing my mom was because she was Mormon and how horrible my dad was because he left the church. It bugged me but also confused the hell out of me. My mom, the abusive psychopath, was good cause she was Mormon. And my dad was bad because he didn’t go to church. I kinda believed it! I also believed that my dad would go to Mormon hell and I’d never see him after we die. - Sandra's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sandra/
My mom was extremely abusive. My earliest memory of abuse was at age 3 and my abuse ended when I moved out at age 17. My life was a living hell in which I had to pretend all was perfect on Sundays at church. I never felt like I fit in. I was always trying to jump through Mormon hoops but never felt perfect enough. Can you imagine being forced to sing “I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me. I want to spend my life with them through all eternity” when your mom just beat you up 10 minutes before church? - Sandra's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sandra/
Hi, I’m Sandra and the LDS church ignored my reports of abuse. My mom would abuse me in the name of religion. I was born into the Mormon church and grew up in Chicago. I went to BYU, got married in the temple, and had 3 kids. I have spent my entire life trying to convince myself that the church was true and trying to ignore every experience that said otherwise. Abuse, abuse, abuse, and more abuse, that is why I left the church. I wish I left sooner! I was a Mormon. - Sandra's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sandra/
“Consequences of avoiding
tough conversations:
1) Diminishing trust and engagement
2) Increases in problematic behavior
3) Decreasing performance due to a lack of clarity and shared purpose.”. - Brené Brown, Social Psychologist - Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind
Over the past several years, my team and I have learned something about clarity and the importance of hard conversations that has changed everything from the way we talk to each other to the way we negotiate with external partners. It’s simple but transformative: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. - Brené Brown, Social Psychologist - Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind
Russell M Nelson – truth can destroy – merciful companion to truth is silence
"If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." - Thumper - Bambi, 1942
I knew, of course, that “more good” was not a derivative of the word Mormon. I had studied both Latin and Greek, and I knew that English is derived in some measure from those two languages and that the words more good are not a cognate of the word Mormon... When I have seen the word Mormon used in the media to describe us there flashes into my mind his statement, which has become my motto: Mormon means “more good.” We may not be able to change the nickname, but we can make it shine with added luster... Mormon should mean “more good” - President Gordon B. Hinckley - Mormon should mean “more good” October 1990
Joseph Smith – Times and Seasons – Mormon means more good
“I wish to correct an error among men that profess to be learned, liberal and wise; and I do it the more cheerfully, because I hope sober thinking and sound-reasoning people will sooner listen to the voice of truth, than be led astray by the vain pretentions of the self-wise. The error I speak of, is the definition of the word "MORMON." ... I may safely say that the word Mormon stands independent of the learning and wisdom of this generation... we have the word MOR-MON; which means, literally, more good.” - Joseph Smith, Times and Seasons Volume 4 Number 13. May 15, 1843
“We preach tithing to the poor people of the world because the poor people of the world have had cycles of poverty, generation after generation. That same poverty continues from one generation to another, until people pay their tithing.” - President Russell M. Nelson | Special Devotional, Nairobi, Kenya, Monday, April 16, 2018
David J. Jordan – there is no limit on what a church is required to teach or not teach
“If a destitute family is faced with the decision of paying their tithing or eating, they should pay their tithing.” - Lynn G. Robbins, LDS Seventy, General Conference April 2005
“One of the first things a bishop must do to help the needy is ask them to pay their tithing.” - Lynn G. Robbins, LDS Seventy, General Conference April 2005
“A man came to get his temple recommend signed. I questioned him in the usual way and asked, among other things, whether he was paying an honest tithing. He candidly replied that he was not, that he could not afford to because of his many debts. I felt impressed to tell him that he would not pay his debts until he paid his tithing.” - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Apostle in First Presidency, April 1982
“When we’re desperate to have more money, we eagerly follow the Lord’s law of finances—which is, of course, tithing! When his bishop commented on the large amount of tithing poor young George was paying, George said something like: “Oh bishop, I’m not paying tithing on what I make. I’m paying tithing on what I want to make.” And the very next year George earned exactly the amount of money he had paid tithing on the year before!” - Wendy Watson Nelson
Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults, January 10, 2016
“The scriptures contain many evidences of the Lord’s willingness to prosper his people with the riches of the earth... We have the Lord’s assurance that he will bless and prosper his people if they will keep his commandments and remember to look to him as the source of their blessings... As we succeed, we have the sure promise of the Lord that he will prosper us in every way necessary for our well-being.” - Dean L. Larsen, LDS Presidency of the Seventy, October 1992
No bishop, no missionary should ever hesitate or lack the faith to teach the law of tithing to the poor. The sentiment of “They can’t afford to” needs to be replaced with “They can’t afford not to.” - Lynn G. Robbins, LDS Seventy, General Conference April 2005
“There has been laid upon the Church a tremendous responsibility. Tithing is the source of income for the Church to carry forward its mandated activities. The need is always greater than the availability. God help us to be faithful in observing this great principle which comes from him with his marvelous promise.” - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Apostle in First Presidency, April 1982
“I plead with the Latter-day Saints to live honestly with the Lord in the payment of tithes and offerings... I plead with you who are Church officers to plead with the people for their benefit and blessing to increase their faithfulness in the payment of tithes and offerings.” - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Apostle in First Presidency, April 1982
Sydney Australia Mortdale Stake | Pilot Program: Informed Consent
Sydney Australia Mortdale Stake Pilot Program Informed Consent Resent Mistakenly Interpreted as Spam
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This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"But most of all, I feel like I’m finally allowed to be a good person. I can support causes I truly believe in. I can help people directly rather than hoping a church uses my money to benefit “the poor and needy”. My relationships have improved so much. Friendships are more meaningful, and I finally feel free from the anxiety and guilt I felt as a church member. In short, my life got so much better after I left the church. As I grew up in the church, I was taught that if someone tries to refute beliefs with facts, a personal experience cannot be refuted. I encourage you, then, to consider my experience. And if you are affiliated with the church, I would encourage you to consider your own experience. Perhaps we have more in common than you suspect, and perhaps you will also find that leaving the church behind is the best decision you ever make." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"Eventually, everything that was stacked against the church added up. Everything I had put on my metaphorical shelf (where one keeps things that they don’t want to think about yet) had become too heavy, and the shelf broke. While on a work trip in Iowa, I determined I needed to seriously evaluate my church membership. I was done being uncomfortable with the church’s teachings and actions while still supporting them, and I needed to either be firmly in or firmly out. When I got home, I prayed my heart out and asked God if I should leave the church. I felt more peace and comfort than I ever did when I asked if the church was true. I came to the conclusion that either God was a liar or these feelings were manufactured in my own mind. In either case, I was not going to continue to support an organization that caused me and millions of others incredible amounts of trauma. Since leaving, I have been happier than I have ever been. I enjoy the health benefits of tea, the low-calorie energy I get from coffee, and the extra money I have from not paying tithing. We have more opportunities to be generous and kind. Sunday mornings are finally enjoyable, and we don’t feel like we have to spend two hours in triggering church meetings. We have focused on trading up, and we are so grateful for the wonderful people who have helped us learn how to live without the church." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I attended the singles ward for just over a year before I got married. We were disappointed to learn that the only part we played in our own marriage ceremony was the word “yes”. The temple worker instructed us before the ceremony; he said he would ask us one question, and the answer was “yes” and not “I do”. My wife and I had to decrease our church activity for a few reasons, including time constraints and health limitations. One of the most noteworthy, concerning, question-sparking parts of our experience was when we were serving as primary teachers but were unable to attend for a couple of weeks in a row. The primary presidency stopped by our apartment when we were both sick with a cold and asked to visit. We said they could stop in for a few minutes, and their first question was about what they could do to get us back in our calling. We stayed polite, but this got us thinking about the intentions of the church as an organization. A great deal of factors impacted my decision to leave the church, and a great deal of other factors impacted my wife’s decision. As my wife has become a therapist and learned a great deal about trauma, we have each processed trauma caused by the church." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"During the remainder of my mission, I became extremely anxious. I didn't have access to sufficient resources, so I lost a significant amount of weight and lived with an infected foot for the majority of my mission. While I had great relationships with a couple of companions, I survived emotional and physical abuse from multiple companions without any option for recourse from the church. When riots started, we were told to stay in our homes, but many of us didn't have sufficient food and clean water. We used gift money we had received from home to purchase some emergency food and supplies (against the instructions of the mission president). When I served as assistant, I started seeing major issues with how the mission was run. I was expected to do the job of a mental health professional when missionaries called in distress. I saw how little the church did to help missionaries who were robbed or assaulted. And I noticed the lack of discernment that went into assigning mission companions." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I was to serve in the Honduras Tegucigalpa mission. After some research, I learned it was statistically one of the most dangerous places in the world. I heard from someone who served there that the church often provided inadequate food, medicine, and housing to missionaries. All the talks and lessons during the MTC conveyed one message to me: if I was not an exactly obedient, perfect missionary, my safety was immediately in danger. If I failed to obey any of the mission rules or commandments, my parents were in danger of never seeing their son again. On top of all of this, we were closely monitored as we wrote home. There were several staff members in the computer lab at all times while it was unlocked, and we were told that if we were struggling, we should not include that in our emails home. Everything was to be faith-promoting. This struck me as extremely strange: God trusted me to represent Him in a huge capacity, but He didn’t trust me to email my mom. Because of all of this, I didn’t dare write home about how awful I felt since I believed disobedience would put me in danger (or at best earn me some kind of punishment), and I didn’t need to stress out my worried family even further." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I was one of the first people endowed in the Idaho Falls temple after the renovation, so it was a disorganized, confusing experience to say the least. I received no explanation of what to expect, and it was traumatizing to be expected to make huge promises without any indication beforehand of what those promises would be. Everything was disorienting, and all of my ordinances were performed “for and in behalf of Landon, who is dead.” It wasn’t until later that I learned they had a different script to read if it was a living ordinance, and I spent the rest of my time in the church wondering if my endowment was even valid. I became anxious that this was God’s punishment for some sin I hadn’t remembered to repent of, throwing away my shot at exaltation." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"In the same way the church assumed I wanted to be baptized and receive the priesthood, they assumed I wanted to serve a mission. It was made clear to me since primary that I would disappoint my parents and likely be berated or shunned by members if I didn’t serve. I was told I wouldn’t find a wife if I didn’t serve a mission, and I knew the young women in the church were taught to only date returned (with honor) missionaries. I attended mission preparation classes and went to the “mission prep” activities (where leaders taught us how to sew on a button or cook a grilled cheese sandwich), but I still felt unprepared. I had spent my whole life in the church, but I still felt that its doctrine was so convoluted that I couldn’t make sense of it. I had prayed about the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and the truthfulness of the church. I never felt anything, but I figured God was holding off or I was not righteous enough to get a response. If everyone around me said the church was true, it must be. I received a phone call from the ward secretary asking when I would like to meet to start mission papers. When I arrived, I learned my papers had already been started. I was given a list of tasks to complete along with a deadline, and I was told what to set as my availability date." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I remember receiving praise from my family because I had made the decision to be baptized and receive the priesthood. I enjoyed the praise, but I don’t remember making any decision. The church simply expected me to want to participate. When I remember church in my early teenage years, the emotion that dominates my memories is fear. I was terrified of messing up, doing anything that wasn’t perfectly Christlike. I didn’t dare let myself have a crush on someone, since my leaders’ loose interpretation implied that being attracted to someone was as bad as murder. It was not until my 20s that I learned that this nervous voice in my head was clinical anxiety telling me I wasn’t good enough, not the Holy Ghost keeping me safe from sin." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I'm a computer engineering PhD student. I believe everyone is worthy and has inherent value. As I grew up, I did all the right things, as far as my young self could tell. All of my friends belonged to active families. I was baptized the day after my eighth birthday, and I started going to Cub Scouts that same week. I was encouraged to share my testimony in primary, and despite not understanding any of it, I recited the familiar lines: “I know the church is true, I know Heavenly Father loves me,” and so on. When I aged out of primary, this became second nature. I was a Mormon." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I wrote a letter to the church and told them everything. I told them that I wanted the sealing canceled and that if they wanted this type of person in the church, it was their business. All I received back was a letter stating that it was canceled, and the kidnappers continued to go to church and hide behind it. As much as the Mormon church talks about families, they do not care about families. Since that time, I have changed my name because I will not carry on Jean’s fourth husband's last name. I also did an adult adoption of my biological father. I completed a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice and am currently working on getting a Master of Business Administration." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I reached out to family and friends, Mormon church leaders, and law enforcement with all of this information for help. With family and friends, they either did not want to deal with Jean or tried to gaslight me into thinking that I should be okay with it. They failed to understand or see from my view how it destroyed me and my family. The Mormon Church counseled some of the people to “don’t get involved.” I resigned from the Mormon Church, effectively canceling all of the blessings that had been given to me. I knew that somewhere down that line, after I die, someone was going to do a baptism for the dead in my name. Because of this, I would be sealed again to the individuals who kidnapped me." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I spent a month calling people to get information; some were willing to work with me, and others denied knowing anything. From everything that I gathered and from knowing how Jean operated, this is what I have been able to determine. Jean (my grandmother) got married to her fourth husband, and he really wanted a son to carry on his name. But Jean was to old and not able to have any more children, so when my mother, Susan, got pregnant with me, they ran my biological father off. Jean being a manipulative individual, she and her husband put their names on my birth certificate." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I called my sister Jennifer, in a nutshell I was gaslighted and told that if it was true, I should be grateful to Jean and her husband for raising me, and she let it slip that she had known since she was about sixteen years old. She knew that Jean and Martin were not her real parents either. I called my father the next day, and he denied everything. From that moment on, I started to track down and contact anybody that I knew who might have information about why I was never told. Growing up, I never felt truly loved by my parents; I always felt that I was a burden to Jean and to my father. So, for me, if there was a logical answer, I was more than happy to hear it." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"In February of 2017, at the age of forty, my whole world was turned upside down. Earl reached out to me and told me that we needed to talk – because we were siblings. I had not talked to Earl in over twenty years, and I did not trust him because Jean had put the idea in my head that he was not to be trusted. Growing up, I heard from Kathy that Jean and her husband were not my real parents and that Susan was my real mother. I never believed any of this because I trusted my parents and why would my parents lie to me? Any time I would ask them, they would call Kathy a liar and say she was making things up. Kathy’s own kids have been told this, and they never believe her either. At the same time, I had an uncle on my father’s side come visit me. My wife had numerous discussions about this topic and decided to ask him if any of the rumors were true. He was flabbergasted that I asked him that question because he thought I knew. The lies that Kathy was saying for all those years were true, and Susan was my real mother. I was devastated." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"At the age of nineteen, I was told I was going on a mission, and I did not want to. I wanted to join the military. This went against Jean’s wants and told me that I was going “to serve in God’s army”. I was miserable and told myself that I would never listen to what Jean wanted me to do again. When I got home, I met my wife, and eventually married and had two kids. Eventually we moved to another state for work. In 2013, two months after the fact, I found out that Susan had passed away. I called my parents and asked why I was not told, and Jean just laughed about it and was smug on the phone. She was not invited to her daughter’s funeral, and there was a restraining order against her, so she was not even allowed to go, even if she wanted to go. I thought it was odd, but I had stopped trying to communicate with her many years ago unless I had to. I understood that my family was dysfunctional, but that was all I knew." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"Jean was also a liar and a thief. She was running a shoplifting ring with her daughters, Susan, Kathy, and Jennifer. One of them would go into a store, bring them out to the car, and then someone else would take the item back into the store and ask for a cash refund. During this time, I was forced to go to church, and we became the ideal Mormon family. I absolutely despised going to church because I was told that if I “do what is right, I will be blessed.” This went against everything that I saw at home. Because Jean was shoplifting and manipulating people behind closed doors then being rewarded, it never made sense to me. Around the age of ten, my family was sealed in the Manti Temple as an eternal family. That would not only be together in this life but into the next." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
