Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
Images
We were given an assignment to be Ma and Pa at trek. My daughters did not want to come especially because they didn’t want to dress up in pantaloons and dresses to hike in. They said they would come if they could wear pants. So I raised my hand in a training meeting and asked if there was any flexibility with the women’s dress code. Hard no. So I wrote a letter and met with President Lindsay. I appealed to his inclusive side to make room for kids who did not fit in the box. Turns out he cared less about inclusion and more about me sustaining him as the stake president. He said that if women wore pants chaos would ensue. I asked if there was anything I could do to change his mind. He said he would only change the policy if an Angel came. So I told him I would pray for an angel. He took my letter to a meeting with 10 stake presidents. Then he changed the policy, and the kids were able to choose pants. - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
Derrick's brother’s baby Charlotte dies of cancer. The family doesn’t want me or the kids to come to the funeral and uninvites us. Derrick has major crisis of self and marriage crisis. We find Jennifer Finlaysen-Fife and start the therapy needed to undo superiority, patriarchy, family enmeshment, validation seeking, toxic positivity, purity culture, modesty etc. We take a time out from Derrick's family and try to fix our marriage. In the process we become differentiated. We grow ourselves up and learn how to self manage. We realize many sources of trouble with our kids and marriage are coming from our rigid belief system. This actually takes several years and a few more bad experiences with church. - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
I met Molly. Molly was questioning the church and her desire to leave was growing. She was the primary chorister and was trying to increase female representation in the songs being taught which I greatly respected and admired. She helped me to start thinking more critically. Because of Molly I started opening my mind which was very rigid and devout. Watching her in the primary room teaching on her last Sunday was heartbreaking- why were all the best people leaving?? And did we really want to know the answer? Many of Derrick's home teaching people left. We were so confused- how could they leave god and his church. - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
The wedding itself was very stressful. Derrick's mom suggested we call everyone and tell them we actually weren’t getting married in the temple. We refused to do that, but it was awkward at our reception when loved ones asked how the temple was. We were ashamed and embarrassed. We got pregnant on our 1 year anniversary which we interpreted as god rewarding us for being sealed in the temple. Derrick went to dental school and we bit off way more than we could chew, kid after kid after kid and callings galore. We served our hearts out and made some great friends along the way. Looking back to that time we both have major PTSD. We did too much, especially for church. We continued to work hard and serve hard and have lots of babies. My sister passed away in 2010 and we adopted her daughter along with having a baby. We had her sealed in the temple which was followed by a bunch of weird comments about how she now belonged to us for eternity. - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
Derrick fit the list: returned missionary righteous priesthood holder. We had similar goals and got engaged. Our engagement was traumatic. We were so in love and were all over each other. We accidentally had oral sex. Which was amazing, but also terrible because we broke the law of chastity. Being the extremely righteous people we were we ran to our bishop and tried to repent. Several traumatic things followed. Derrick's parents wanted us to tell his 5 younger siblings why we couldn’t get married in the temple. We spent the night in the hospital because the stress caused me to get food stuck in my throat. Derrick lost his favorite job teaching at the MTC. Fortunately we did not get kicked out of BYU as we were both almost finished. 3. Disciplinary council for Derrick. BYU Bishop ensued the council to feel bad bad bad-god is so mad and sad at your behavior. In fact maybe Mary should have been a better gatekeeper-is she even wife material? - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
I graduated from BYU, got married had 8 kids by 35 years old, and became disillusioned with the church at 40. I went to EFY when I was 16 and saw righteous good looking men and knew that was where I would go to college. It was the only place I applied. BYU or bust. I declared my major engineering and started college. I listened to every devotional, religion teacher and general conference talk and quickly learned my place. I was to be a wife and a mother. I switched majors to family money management and started my search for a man who could support the large family I was to have as a devoted member and a builder of the kingdom. I was a Mormon. - Mary's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/marykathrynprice/
“The famous five stages of grief may help us to name our feelings and experiences inside of grief, but they were never meant to be a step-by-step prescription for how to move forward. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance reflect how people tend to cope with the reality of death and dying. They were never intended to offer a roadmap for grief.” - Speaking Grief Documentary | speakinggrief.org
“There is no grief like the grief that does not speak.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet
“The five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with who/what we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.” - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Swiss-American Psychiatrist, On Death and Dying (1969)
"McDonald's can mess up your order 101 times and you still keep going back... but one thing goes wrong at church and you quit. People just aren't hungry enough. - If by “one thing goes wrong at church,” you mean “I studied its history and lost my belief.” It’s not about not being spiritually hungry enough—it’s about realizing the entire foundation is built on claims that collapse under scrutiny. McDonald’s never claimed to be led by God or to even be divinely inspired—the church does.
mcdonalds can mess up your order 101 times and you still keep going back - one thing goes wrong at church and you quit - people just arent hungry enough
“I feel it best to kill the Indians”
“My voice is for war, exterminate them.”
“I say go kill them!”
“We shall have no peace until the men are killed off - Never treat an Indian as your equal.” - Parley P. Pratt, Willard Richards, and Brigham Young
Extermination Order - Timpanogos, January 31, 1850
LDS Scripture Stories, Doctrine and Covenants: 1831–1890 Plural Marriage. "Faith to obey a law from the Lord even when it's hard" becomes "A commandment for a time."
[He] chose to be a perpetual doubter.
As one concern was resolved, another one was found. “Church history whack-a-mole.” The children’s game where a mole pops up from a board and as soon as you hit it, another mole pops up in another place. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
Doubt is not and will never be the precursor of faith any more than light depends on darkness for its creation... This is what happened to Stephen. He let doubt and uncertainty occupy his mind. As time went on, he did not have the strength to confront the challenges that one faces as a member of the Church. He grew weary in his mind, and his faith disappeared. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
What Stephen was doing is a form of “Church history whack-a-mole.” You know, the children’s game where a mole pops up from a board and as soon as you hit it, another mole pops up in another place. While further intellectual information may temporarily resolve an intellectual concern, further information is not the complete solution. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
He was digging up in doubt what he had planted in faith. As time went on, as one concern was resolved, another one was found. No matter how much anyone tried to respond and answer these questions, he found another topic on which he was anxious. He focused on the dents in the boat instead of on the capability of the boat to lead him to the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
But now I really am concerned that the priesthood was withheld for a time from those of African descent” ... Sadly, Stephen had chosen to be a perpetual doubter. For him, doubting pleased him more than knowing - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
But now I’m really concerned about the polygamy that was practiced in Nauvoo and after the Manifesto in 1890. That is really troubling me.” I asked Stephen to visit with someone who had researched these topics in reliable primary sources. After that discussion, I contacted Stephen and asked how he was doing. He said, “Well, that doesn’t bother me anymore. I understand what happened, and my concerns have been resolved... - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
As I visited with Stephen, he said that he had concerns with the fact that Joseph Smith related four versions of the First Vision. He thought that this might mean that Joseph Smith made up his experience. I put Stephen in contact with a man who had researched these four versions decades earlier. Stephen visited with the researcher. The next time I spoke with Stephen I said, “So, how do you feel about the First Vision?” He said, “Well, I feel okay about that because my questions have been answered. That no longer bothers me... - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
A stake president asked me to visit with a man whom I will call Stephen. Stephen had been a faithful member of the Church. He had served a mission and had married in the temple. He had served faithfully for many years but began to have doubts about the Church. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
I’m incredibly grateful to my spouse and my whole family for loving me and accepting me even as my beliefs have changed. My family is amazing. If you’re a faithful member reading this, please know that if you’re happy in the church - then I’m genuinely happy for you. I know we still share enough common values to foster mutual respect. I also know how troubling and confusing it can be when someone leaves your tribe. I’ll admit, I judged people who left before me. It was so much easier to tie a nice bow around their choice than to actually try and grapple with it. No one offended me. I don’t have an addiction. And I don’t feel like I’m betraying my integrity. I’m being true to my integrity and the values the church and my family instilled in me. I feel if I meet God tomorrow, he will understand that. If, like me a few years back, you’re starting to slip down a rabbit hole and aren’t sure where you’ll land, please know it’s all going to be ok and you're not alone! - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
I was getting tired of white knuckling it and every interaction with the church became more painful. I made sure to pray earnestly, and ask God one more time if I should stay or go. The answer I got was a resounding confirmation of what I already knew - the LDS church was an organization full of generally good people trying to do their best, but it wasn’t built on what it professed to be - the truth. So finally, I decided to be honest with myself and my family. And, I was surprised at how quickly relief came when I was. My life is far from perfect, but I can honestly say after stepping away from the LDS church that I’m happier and a better person for going through the journey. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
My spouse was following a very public pressure campaign to get the church to eliminate sexist teachings and policies. It had always really bothered me that, in the endowment, men were allowed to covenant directly with God and women would turn and covenant to their husbands (and not with God). Then, I was sitting in an endowment session and discovered that church leaders had quietly changed the part of the endowment that had always bothered me. All of the sudden, women could now covenant directly with God instead of to their husband. I was always taught the covenants were eternal truths given directly by God to Joseph Smith. Witnessing first-hand the church leaders quietly change a covenant in what was obviously a response to external pressure finally gave my brain permission to think, “maybe they’re just making this all up as they go.” - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
While reading the gospel topics essay on the BoM translation, I had a flashback to watching the Mormons South Park episode as a teenager. I remember laughing about the silly things they got "wrong," like when Joseph Smith looked at a rock in a top hat to translate the Book of Mormon. Reading the article, I was suddenly slapped with the realization that a stupid TV show had given a more accurate portrayal of my church's founding history than the leaders I'd trusted for 32 years. The LDS church apologist’s website answers just felt like insane mental gymnastics and only made it worse. So once again, I put it all away and told myself that the church had given me a good life and that I would just have to focus on what was working and ignore the rest. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
There was a lot more but, suffice it to say, I began experiencing a growing cognitive dissonance. So, I put it away and decided to just focus on what was good about having the church in my life. That didn't work for long though, because the gnawing, unshakeable feeling that my religion wasn’t what I thought it was only continued to grow. And, since my religion expected me to give everything to it, even my own life, if necessary, I decided I damn-well better figure it out. I found the gospel topics essays on the church’s library app and started reading the articles about race, the first vision, polygamy, the Book of Abraham, etc and that sent me into a tailspin. There were so many things in those articles and footnotes that I had been told my whole life were “anti-Mormon lies” and it turns out they were just factual history now confirmed by the church. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
Fast forward a few years. I was busy with work, marriage, small kids and callings and my shelf items had only grown. I had come to dread attending the temple, especially the endowment. I didn't understand what the rituals had to do with Jesus and the atonement and didn’t feel I was getting revelation when I attended, despite my earnest attempts to do so. I had also started independently reading and studying a lot about 19th-century American history and world history generally, and it led to more and more things bothering me about the Book of Mormon. There were so many obvious anachronisms, 19th-century ideas, and disproven racist teachings. The race issues were especially vexing to me. While many Christians had believed the racist dark skin curse nonsense, It was only MY religion's perfect and undiluted scriptures that had canonized it. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
On my mission I first felt a ping of shame about belonging to the Church. We'd pressured a young black man into getting baptized quickly, only to have him approach us a few days later and ask about the priesthood ban. He said his family told him some crazy stuff about how our church used to treat black people. I still remember how awful it felt to have to tell him that it was true and try to dance around it and gloss over it. He walked away and I never saw or heard from him again. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
I loved the Bible. The Book of Mormon, on the other hand, had some nice verses that I would quote, but reading it felt incredibly tedious. It sounded nothing like the writing in the Old Testament during the same period. The BoM prophets spoke like 19th-century American Protestant preachers. They gave almost zero attention to the mosaic law and focused instead on post-Calvinist ideas like grace and works and the evils of infant baptism—even referring to Jesus by name — hundreds of years before anyone would care about these topics. The biggest question for me at the time, though, was why it didn’t mention so many important gospel concepts: temple ordinances, eternal families, the three degrees of glory, the Melchizedek priesthood, polygamy, and all the things we were teaching people about. They were scarcely anywhere to be found in the “most correct of any book on earth” — but I just shelved my concerns. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
I somehow miraculously escaped the worst of my legal troubles. I believed God had personally intervened in my life and, as a show of gratitude, I committed myself to him the best I could for two years. I genuinely believed what I was selling would help everyone. After I came home, I met my spouse and best friend after a few years, got married, and we both finished up our degrees before we started having kids. All was going well externally, but, under the surface, my faith problems were growing. While, overall, my mission was a great experience, there were some things I learned and experienced about my faith that started to bother me. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
There were definitely lots of times where I didn’t want to do what the church expected of me as a kid, but I usually bucked up and did it because I knew it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t very excited to go on a mission but knew it was what God and my family expected of me. I was trying to dutifully read the Book of Mormon and really pray to get an answer about whether or not it was true, but I wasn't getting any spiritual confirmations of note. About 6 weeks before I was scheduled to enter the MTC, my mischievous youth caught up with me and I found myself in trouble with the law. I prayed and fasted harder than I ever had in my life. I promised God that if he got me out of this pickle, I would consecrate my life to him. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
I was born into an LDS family and born and raised in Texas. I love good music, good food, skiing, and spending time with my spouse and crazy kids. My whole life I believed the church was true because I didn’t have any good reason not to. I was raised in a good home with loving parents and a really strong extended family on both sides. I was a Mormon. - Kendall's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kendall/
“When people say, well, what do you do with all that money? Well, there's an episode in the Old Testament about Joseph, who interpreted a dream for the Pharaoh that there were seven years of plenty and seven years of famine. And in the years of plenty, you better prepare for the years of famine. So people want to speculate about the size of the reserve and all that kind of stuff... I think it would be imprudent and unwise not to have a reserve.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner, Silicon Slopes Summit,September 28, 2023, 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video, February 27, 2025
"Only a tiny fraction of the money is actually spent on charity. This Welfare Services Fact Sheet lists the Mormon church’s humanitarian efforts in 2011 which, on closer inspection, are not the institutional church’s achievements at all but mainly free labour provided by church members to church businesses." - Mormonism 101, Independent information about the Church based on verifiable sources and 34 years of active and committed church membership: The Corporate Structure of the Mormon church
“They're not passing a plate, or collecting money in local congregations. That's all done through the tithes that the members of the church pay all over the world. But you've got fixed costs in the maintenance, the utilities, all of those things for all of those buildings... You don't have to be an accountant to
figure out those are some big dollars.” - “[To] the people who want to tell us how to spend the money, I would just emphasize one undergirding principle. The assets of the church are primarily income consuming; they are not income producing.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner
Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023, 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video, February 27, 2025
What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money? [Regarding the leaked Ensign Peak Advisors managed reserves of surplus tithing amounting to hundreds of billions of dollars] You're getting a lot of heat for people telling you how to spend the money of the church. How do you think about that or how can others really understand the scale of this? “I think it would be imprudent and unwise not to have a reserve.”
- David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner, Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023, 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video, February 27, 2025
“[To] the people who want to tell us how to spend the money, I would just emphasize one undergirding principle. The assets of the church are primarily income consuming; they are not income producing.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner
Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023
'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video
“We will follow them till the last drop of their blood is spilled, or else they will have to exterminate us: for we will carry the seat of war to their own houses, and their own families, and one party or the other shall be utterly destroyed.” - Sidney Rigdon, July 4 1838, Far West Missouri - Precedes the Mormon Extermination Order, or Executive Order 44 Missouri Governor Lilburn Boggs on October 27, 1838
“Our rights shall no more be trampled on with impunity. The man or the set of men, who attempts it, does it at the expense of their lives. And that mob that comes on us to disturb us; it shall be between us and them a war of extermination.” - Sidney Rigdon, July 4 1838, Far West Missouri - Precedes the Mormon Extermination Order, or Executive Order 44 Missouri Governor Lilburn Boggs on October 27, 1838
“I have received by one of my aids, information of the most appalling character, which entirely changes the face of things, and places the Mormons in the attitude of an open and avowed defiance of the laws, and of having made war upon the people of this state. Your orders are, therefore, to hasten your operation with all possible speed. The Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the state if necessary for the public peace—their outrages are beyond all description.” - Missouri Executive Order 44 or "Mormon Extermination Order"
Governor Lilburn Boggs, October 27, 1838
Sidney Rigdon – they will have to exterminate us – for we will carry the war to their houses and families shall be utterly destroyed
Sidney Rigdon – between us and thm a war of extermination
mcdonalds can mess up your order 101 times and you stil lkeep going back but one thing goes wrong at church and you quit – people just arent hungry enough
mcdo can mess your order up and you keep going back – one thing goes wrong at church and you quit
mcdo can mess your order up 101 times and you still keep going back – one thing goes wrong at church and you quit – people just arent hungry enough
mcdo can mess your order up 101 times and you go back – one thing goes wrong at church and you quit
church may be run by imperfect people – dont let a negative experience discorage you from experiencing love
![[He] chose to be a perpetual doubter. As one concern was resolved, another one was found. “Church history whack-a-mole.” The children’s game where a mole pops up from a board and as soon as you hit it, another mole pops up in another place. - Dale G. Renlund, LDS Apostle, and Sister Ruth L. Renlund, Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • January 13, 2019 • BYU–Hawaii - Church History whack-a-mole | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Dale-G-Renlund-church-history-whack-a-mole-08-one-concern-resolved-another-is-found.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
![“They're not passing a plate, or collecting money in local congregations. That's all done through the tithes that the members of the church pay all over the world. But you've got fixed costs in the maintenance, the utilities, all of those things for all of those buildings... You don't have to be an accountant to figure out those are some big dollars.” - “[To] the people who want to tell us how to spend the money, I would just emphasize one undergirding principle. The assets of the church are primarily income consuming; they are not income producing.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023, 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video, February 27, 2025 | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/David-A-Bednar-you-dont-have-to-be-an-accountant-to-figure-out-those-are-some-big-dollars.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
![What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money? [Regarding the leaked Ensign Peak Advisors managed reserves of surplus tithing amounting to hundreds of billions of dollars] You're getting a lot of heat for people telling you how to spend the money of the church. How do you think about that or how can others really understand the scale of this? “I think it would be imprudent and unwise not to have a reserve.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner, Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023, 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video, February 27, 2025 | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/David-A-Bednar-What-does-the-church-do-with-tithing-money-it-would-be-imprudent-and-unwise-not-to-have-a-hundred-billion-dollar-reserve.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
![“[To] the people who want to tell us how to spend the money, I would just emphasize one undergirding principle. The assets of the church are primarily income consuming; they are not income producing.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle & Ryan Smith, Qualtrics/Utah Jazz Owner Silicon Slopes Summit, September 28, 2023 'What Does the Church Do With Tithing Money?' Church Video | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/David-A-Bednar-church-assets-are-income-consuming-not-income-producing.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
