Heyho! I'm Tim!
I joined mormonism, ignoring that I am Gay.
About me
I am Tim, 20 years old and Gay. I am from Germany and all my life I was very interested in religions and cults.
I was not born in the LDS Church. In fact I came from an very deep atheist Family. But when I was 16 I learned something about mormonism from a german TV-Show. At first I was very sceptical but even though I had bad feelings with this Church I started to hang around with the Missionaries and talked with them for hours about the Church and its doctrine. After some months of reading the Book of Mormon and having lessons with the Missionaries I thought this is the only true Church on earth with the full power of the Priesthood and living Prophets and Apostles.
I wanted to get baptized, but with 16 I needed to ask my mother for her agreement. But she said no and that I have to wait until I am 18 to be baptized. And so I did. I so investigated the Church for almost 2 years and got Baptized 5 days after my 18th Birthday. In that time I met hundreds of Missionaries and members, wrote a letter to President Nelson and received an Answer and became a little "celebrity" in the Church in Germany. Whereever I went, someone Recognized me from the Videos the Missionaries did with me or my 3 Stake Conference Talks or the Liahona Article wich Members where able to read in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. I got so many messages, Letters and calls from Members who wanted to talk to me. I was a Young Mens Counselor and the First Counselor in the Elders Qurom in my ward. I did everything for the Church. Payed Tithig, quitted smoking, drinking alcohol or coffee, made some baptisms for the dead and so on. Just everything. I never had doubts. I was a very firm, strong and conservative Member withour looking left or right. I fully believed in everything the Church teaches.
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
I somehow always knew that I am gay. But because I got in touch with the Church I thought that this is a sin and that I need to repent. And so I started to hide it and tried so ignore my feelings for other guys.
Also in my time of investigating the Church for almost two years I got in touch with problematic topics and all the criticism against the Church. But I did exactly the same; I ignored it and often said that these things are all made up to harm the Church.
But in October 2021 I met a boy on a social media page who is gay too. We had a wonderful time with chatting and talking and as we really met for the first time in real life, started to kiss and to cuddle, I felt that this is what I always really wanted. That this, a relationship between two boys, is nothing sinful or bad. I met him several more times and we had sex too. But I was hiding it, because I was scared. Scared that the Members would start to hate me. That they would start trying to make me straight and that they would tell me that I am a dirty sinner. I deeply felt that this can't be the will of Jesus. I came to the conclusion that denying the love of human beings is the worst thing someone could do.
And so it all started. In the Time where I had Sex with this boy, hold his hand and kissed him and did "sinful things" in the eyes of the Church, I got my calling in the Elders Quorum. From that point I, knew that all this is nothing about inspiration, but just how you look on the outside. I wondered; Is it really that easy to deceive God, or is it just deceiving men? I lost my testimoy of the Priesthood. And so I lost my faith in Joseph Smith and all the other Prophets and Apostles, the faith in the Book of Mormon, the faith in the Word of Wisdom and my faith in God. And then there was the CES-Letter which just puts all the lies and the dark chapters of the history of the Church on top.
I felt so sad, angry and disappointed at the same time. I cried for hours. Did I really just wasted 3 years of my life? Did I really believed in something, that is full of lies and intrigue? And yes, I did. And this understanding hurt me so deep. My Faith was a house of cards wich floor by floor, slowly collapsed with every new TRUE thing I learned about the Church. And I really got very depressed. But all the Members wich I talked to, didn't really care about my concerns and doubts. They simply said I should not read 'Anti-Mormon' literature and that I should ignore these things. But I cannot Ignore facts and science. I cannot Ignore how the Church treats members of the LGBTQ Community. And I can and will not ever ignore and be silent about the hundreds of lies, the leaders of the Church tell it's members. Never. I am still very sad and disappointed, but on the other hand I am very thankful not to waste more time of my life for an Organisation that is hypocritical and just dangerous for the people of the world.
Now I know the truth. And we all know that the truth sometimes hurts. But the truth is way better than a life full of ignorance and lies.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?' by timwachter How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon? See more answers about 'How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?'
I totally think that our human brain is totally able to make us think we are led by an higher being. And I thing that everything is controlled by our enviroment and our personal thinking and feelings.