My name is Nathan
and I’m an Ex Mormon
About me
I, Nathan, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; … nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days.
I know that the record which I make is true; and I make it with mine own hand; and I make it according to my knowledge.
Those familiar with the Book of Mormon will recognize in these words, the opening sentences of the Book of Mormon. I read them myself many times and I am grateful for how they represented my point-of-view.
I was raised in a devout family who for generations developed a loving, sincere and hard-working ethic. My mother expressed some surprise when instead of attending BYU as she and my father had, I chose to attend a state university to study engineering. Living away from my family taught me to responsibly care for myself and gave me space to develop my own testimony before spending two years as a missionary for the church I had belonged to since birth.
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
The mission was not easy. Many deep friendships were forged in that crucible as we struggled to work toward helping the good people of Texas understand and embrace the profound happiness God had prepared for them.
Upon my return, I wanted to find a companion who would marry me for eternity in a temple. Soon, a wonderful woman agreed to join me in this exciting new adventure. Together we had four boys. Preparing for the birth of our fourth son, we learned many things about circumcision which changed our perspective. Our choices were motivated by our sincere belief that our responsibility was to make the choices our new sons would make having full and accurate information. I began to seek understanding of this subject by studying the Bible, The Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. I learned by this study, that regardless of how the practice began, no religious requirement remained.
I changed from believing the Bible is true ‘as far as it is translated correctly’ to believing it to be false except where it may have been ‘translated correctly’. The God I knew had perfect knowledge and would not mandate non-therapeutic partial genital amputation only to restore the bodies to their perfect and proper frame upon resurrection.
A few years after our fourth son was born I decided on a career change to law. I started law school at BYU in 2006. In a religion seminar class, I was required to read what some Mormon leaders said regarding lying and integrity. These teachings seemed to conflict with what the church had done when it redacted some of the history written about J. Reuben Clark, the law schools namesake.
Earlier that spring my wife had ‘a revelation’ while watching the Joseph Smith movie at the Washington D.C. temple. Her revelation went like this, “I cannot believe in a church which needs to rely on this type of propaganda to get converts.” I prayed for her and continued to read the Book of Mormon.
An outline written by a friend comparing military intelligence control tactics with church information control gave me pause but I did not know of any corroborating data. Before long, I had plenty of information control data. In light of what we experienced at the temple, these articles helped to solidify my growing distrust of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I learned that D. Michael Quinn had published an unredacted version of his history of J. Reuben Clark after the Mormon Church removed part of his work. While checking out Quinn’s books from the library, I picked up “An Insiders View of Mormon Origins” by Grant Palmer and “In Sacred Loneliness” by Todd Compton. At that time I was hearing daily reports of carnage in the Iraq war and I was struck by the extreme caricatures of war, and of perfectly righteous and diabolically evil people portrayed in the Book of Mormon.
I grew certain that I could not retain integrity and continue to perform the calling I had in the church. Furthermore, I no longer even believed in a god. Within 2 weeks of submitting our resignations to the church in late January, I re-evaluated my timing in going to law school and determined that I would have more time with my family and be happier if I resumed my career as an engineer. I withdrew from school at BYU after just one semester.
Before I got married a friend told me ‘It is against the laws of heaven to deceive’. His message was consistent with my experience. Being honest will bring me the greatest happiness. Concerning the faith in which I was raised, my point-of-view required me to act with the greatest integrity possible. I may always be wrong, but I will do what I sincerely think is best. I will not be party purposefully to deception. My friends and family will know what I believe and why (if they are interested).
Being honest and having integrity have been meaningful in my life. My family and friends also value these things. When we have differences of opinions, they are less important than loving people. I hope families continue to value kindness over entanglement in rhetoric or dogma.
My name is Nathan and I am an Ex-Mormon.