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My name is Heather

and I’m an Ex Mormon

Heather profile image for wasmormon.org

    About me

    I’ve been out of the church for about six years. I was a convert after high school (after much vehement opposition from my parents). My high school boyfriend was LDS and I got totally sucked in. I believed it with everything. I didn’t think it was true, I knew it. Anyway, he went on his mission and I proceeded to marry the first guy I met in college. I went to Michigan State University and was heavily involved with the student ward there so I met a returned missionary at an institute dance. We got married when I was nineteen. I had my first baby at twenty-one. I knew my marriage was awful within months and was told by bishop after bishop that this was my trial in life. During the fifteen years of my first marriage I got used to looking at everyone else who seemed happy and knowing that would never be me. I was just enduring life and was not a happy person.

    # Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church

    One day, my husband brought a book home from the church library that they were apparently throwing away because it was discovered to be an “anti” book. It was, “Emma Hale Smith: Mormon Enigma”. What an eye-opener. That was the first moment I realized that the church could have been built on lies. I was determined to hold fast though. As I was searching for some faith promoting stories for one of my young women lessons, I accidentally stumbled upon exmormon.org. I was SHOCKED at what I was reading. I abruptly closed the window and decided that I was letting my mind go down forbidden paths. At one point, my dad asked me about a PBS documentary he had seen on Mountain Meadows. My party-line response was, “Oh that can’t be true”. At the moment I said that, I realized how programmed my thinking was. I asked my bishop about it and he claimed he had never heard of it. A little more digging into that story and I realized that it was true. I still justified it in my mind but my testimony was cracked. I struggled for two years with those cracks. I prayed and almost begged to regain my faith. I remained a “choice daughter” during this time. It’s amazing how people assumed that I failed to regain my testimony because of worthiness issues. I actually had people tell me that later. And that I was going to hell. And that I take eternal matters “lightly” because of the conclusion I ended with.

    I allowed myself to further explore exmormon.org. My ex and I one day just decided to be done with it. We both knew it was a crock and we just left in the middle of sacrament meeting, literally, and never went back again. In the midst of all this I had four close family members die within a few months. One of them was a favorite aunt to cancer at 42 then her daughter at 17 to a car accident. I realized during that time of hell that I didn’t need the “gospel” to get me through life. That I didn’t need to endure a horrible marriage to get me to salvation. That I only have one shot at this thing and I was blowing it. I was free to make myself happy. Part of that was a divorce (hardest thing ever). I found Jeff through an exmormon message board (exmo-social.com). He was going through a divorce at the same time so we became friends quickly. One long-distance relationship, three cross-country moves, six kids, and one wedding later, here we are. We have just celebrated our four year anniversary and are living an authentically happy, family-centered life.

    My name is Heather and I’m an Ex Mormon.

    Attribution

    Originally shared at i-am-an-exmormon.com web.archive.org/web/20161110093215/http://www.iamanexmormon.com/2011/07/my-name-is-heather-and-im-an-ex-mormon/

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    wasmormon.org

    Though this site discusses mormonism, topics related to mormons, the mormon church and people who refer to themselves as unorthodox mormons, ex-mormons, post-mormons or any other form of wasmormon, it is not officially affiliated with or managed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or even the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop. They don't want to be called mormon anymore anyways. All of the content, stories or opinions expressed, implied or included in this site are solely credited to those sharing their own personal stories and not those of Intellectual Reserve, Inc. or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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