Hi, I'm Rebecca
I am a recovering Mormon.
I was raised in a military family and moved around more than most. My mother's ancestors were Mormon pioneers, so when I was a pre-teen, we all took the missionary lessons and my sister, and I were baptized. We were not uber-active, but at 21 yo. I served a mission, returned, and married a return missionary in the temple. My late husband and I were married for 18 years and the last three years were really difficult before he died. We raised two daughters in the Church, and I served in several trusted callings, including Stake YW President.
My first husband passed away unexpectedly young and I was widowed. He and I were not active when he died, but our daughters were. However, the girls struggled to find peer support in the Church after his death. They were treated poorly, and subject to the unkindness of gossip and ignorance. Afraid of raising daughters alone, and needing support, I went into the Bishop to discuss becoming more active, but that visit with him went poorly. I now see this as an act of grace.
It is several years later now and I have come to realize so much about the construct of the Church and how it was designed for misery and compliance- it was designed as a business, not a spiritual program.
I did not make a methodical decision to leave the Church. I left initially because I was struggling with personal challenges that I knew would put me at odds with my temple covenants.
I stayed away from the Church because I could not see God, or love in it's teachings. I could not reconcile many of the teachings of the Church with a loving God. The Mormon God seemed irratic, punitive and shallow to me.
I have learned a great deal and have an even greater deal to learn about the truth claims of the Church and how very manipulated I was as an active member.
My struggles now related to this are twofold. One, I deeply miss the community and purpose the Church provides. Two, I am taking in a great deal of information and trying to digest it all.