Emily

I was a straight girl who didn't conform with the strict gender codes forced on me by my mother who was a soprano in the Tabernacle choir. I wasn't allowed to join Boy Scouts. I was the middle of 7 kids in Utah and was lost in the shuffle as my mom had us for clout, not because she liked children. I was the Black sheep, the family embarrassment who wore all black and combat boots. My parents did not intend for me to have a college education or a career, only marriage to a return missionary was discussed. I rebelled and left home at 16, stayed with friends in California and that was when I saw the worldly people and things as exciting and not evil, and began realizing that I was not Celestial kingdom material and was perhaps doomed. I embraced the sinfulness and then began feeling like the world was actually great, and maybe my parents had lied to me about my whole reality by raising be believe in Mormonism. I was very naive about worldly things and was taken advantage of by numerous predators along the way. I started reading about actual Mormon history at age 18, in 1993 and this confirmed that my childhood was a lie. I wrote letters twice in Utah to have my name removed, but no response until a 3rd attempt in Oregon in 1997. In my family of 7 kids there have been 7 divorces and it is now shattered because they testified against me when I divorced. My son came out as queer, and this further destroyed the family because he said he wouldn't participate in the family if they didn't accept him, and of course they don't accept him. They didn't accept me for just tomboy, so there's no room for us in their Forever Family. My sister married in the temple over 30 years ago, never got an education or career, homeschooling her kids, and just last year her husband left her for another woman and is now remarried while my sister can't take care of herself or pay the mortgage.