Brooklyn

I was born into one of the lines descending from Arza Hinckley (one of the family’s claims to fame), and have a large extended family. I grew up very active. I called the young women's president when I was 11 to ask if I could start working on my young womanhood medallion early and then served as the class president all the way through high school. I did all the things and checked all the boxes, and honestly felt like my testimony was unbreakable. I even gave a Book of Mormon to my head drill sergeant at Army Basic training.
I went to BYU, met my first husband (not at BYU), and got married. My now ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive and used the words of the temple sealing, and the advice of our sealer, (that I strive to follow my husband’s council) to abuse me, justify his abuse, and manipulate me into staying with him.
I deployed to Afghanistan where the guys I deployed with didn’t treat me well and didn’t comply with the LDS lifestyle standards I expected, yet they were my only source for the priesthood. I was very frustrated because I felt I was living the standards I’d promised, but if I wanted the sacrament or a blessing, I would have to ask one of the men who otherwise treated me horribly to do it for me. Sometimes they would, sometimes they wouldn’t, but I wasn’t allowed to do it for myself.
While I was deployed, I filed for an annulment of my first marriage, and it was granted shortly after returning home. My ex was also convicted of dv assault during this time against me. I went to the bishop of my YSA ward and asked to start the process of having the sealing canceled. He more or less treated me as though I was just too young to have married, and we just “didn’t get along”, and I had to retell my story several times because, after each time, the bishop didn’t “remember” any of the incidents of physical violence. The sealing cancellation was eventually granted, but only after requesting my ex-husband's permission.
This Bishop and several others as I moved about seemed to barely remember my name. I started working as a police officer, which meant I worked whatever day of the week I needed. I went to every activity I was off duty for, and often attended sacrament meetings on duty. Yet, I frequently repeated the same conversation that started with “I haven’t seen you in a while, thanks for coming to church today”. After which I would remind them I worked in public service, and they would reply with some sort of “ oh that’s right, I forgot”. Maybe they would have treated a man the same way, but it always felt like, as I woman, having a job was bad, but having a "manly" job was almost unforgivable.
I met and married my now husband in the Nauvoo temple ( a childhood favorite of mine). I continued to fight in the military and in law enforcement to be treated equally to my male counterparts, but then would go to church and try to find a way to be ok with different roles, and expectations.