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Hi, I'm Britt

I was a mormon.

Arizona
britt profile image for wasmormon.org

    # Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church

    Up until 2 months ago, I thought I could stay in the church. I was born in the covenant, was baptized, married in the Temple at age 20, attended BYU and stayed home to raise my 2 children. Over the years, I slowly lost my identity and my voice. I forced myself into gender roles that conflicted with my personality and became someone I was not. I didn’t feel the same joy I felt in the church as a youth. After a traumatic experience that happened after my daughter was born, something inside me shifted. I gave myself permission to start looking into church history. I became aware of historical discrepancies that led to major angst with contemporary issues, especially the treatment of women and LGBTQ members. I operated daily under a heavy cloud of cognitive dissonance, hope, fear, doubt, shame, and love. All that aside, I thought I could stay and be a voice for change. It soon became evident that no one in the church wanted to hear, let alone discuss what I had to say. When I told my husband where I stood, he completely rejected me and asked me for a divorce a few months later.

    As the dust from my divorce settled, I again tried to attend church. It felt less and less like home. I took my time, thinking, praying,and reading as I went. I began to feel a pull that was leading me out of the church. I feared what friends and family would think of me. I fought and overthought. I decided to leave, only to second guess my decision, time after time. Then I reached a point where I realized that I had the power to own my spirituality outside of any authority or institution. I would choose the direction of my life. I decided to trust in my own intuition, and I left.

    I had been in the church for 29 years. I have only been out for 2 months. Much of where my path goes from here remains to be seen. Regardless of where I go, I am happier and more hopeful than I have ever been.

    I do go into the mountains to gain perspective and a sense of calm. I go to people who respect my strong opinions and don’t ask me to be a little quieter or smaller. I go out for coffee. I go to my children, and am available to them in ways I haven’t been able to be until now. I go to comedy clubs. I go out among my fellow men and women and try to get to know them, no religious strings attached. I go to places where I can be loud, raucous, and goofy. I go to find ways to help people in my community, as well as across the globe. I go inward and find peace.

    Attribution

    Originally shared on wherewillyougo.org which is no longer live.

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    wasmormon.org

    Though this site discusses mormonism, topics related to mormons, the mormon church and people who refer to themselves as unorthodox mormons, ex-mormons, post-mormons or any other form of wasmormon, it is not officially affiliated with or managed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or even the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop. They don't want to be called mormon anymore anyways. All of the content, stories or opinions expressed, implied or included in this site are solely credited to those sharing their own personal stories and not those of Intellectual Reserve, Inc. or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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