Hi, I’m Arianne Brown.
Mom of 9 who was Mormon until I wasn’t.
About me
I am a wife, mom of nine, writer, runner and teacher. I have very few “callings,” but boy, do I magnify them!
I was born in SLC, UT as the third oldest of what would be 10 children.
I was married at the age of 18 in the SLC Temple (to a man who didn’t serve a mission). No, I was not pregnant. We were “good,” but our marriage was doomed from the start. Men should not choose college athletic scholarships over serving the Lord, and my husband did just that.
We spent our marriage as the project family even though we raised our kids in truth and righteousness under the covenant while continuing to multiply and replenish the Earth. I a SAHM who homeschooled my children, did it all right, but I was never good enough.
I would always own the title of family scapegoat. I was destined to be Laman/Lemual even though I desperately tried to be like Nephi.
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
Despite my faithfulness, I had a nuanced side to me that couldn’t be shaken, and that showed when I stood up for a sister-in-law who had lost her faith in the church. I was told to block her when my brother divorced her for her non-belief, and when I defended her, I was met with a lot of resistance. I then started to believe in a god who didn’t care what we believed.
Shortly after that, I had another brother who divorced his wife, but this time, domestic violence was involved. The police were called, and he was charged.
This SIL called me in an effort to find help, and I listened to her story. It was the first time I faced the abuse of my childhood.
I confronted a parent on abuse within our family system in an effort to heal our family, and I was told I needed to forgive. I decided to do that, but in that process of forgiving, that parent told my siblings not to talk to me anymore.
In a matter of weeks, I was discarded by my family for speaking out against abuse.
In my discard that also included suicidal thoughts, I reached for lifelines, including an older brother who I had been estranged from. I asked him questions about things I had been told about him, and he let me know that our parents were dishonest.
I started asking more questions about my parents, and learned a lifetime of lies.
It was then when I decided that I didn’t want to go to their heaven, so I gave myself permission to take my garments off and ask all the questions I had.
I read the Gospel Topics Essays and the Book of Abraham one sunk me. That was the end.
I had to tell my children and husband that I didn’t believe, and thankfully, that’s where my tragic story turns happy. We all left together.
My story isn’t over, and there is a lot still coming out of the woodwork with my family, but the church can’t hurt us anymore.