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I should add that in September of 2018, our second child Dusty passed away at 31 from a spontaneous dissection of the right iliac artery. We were (and still are) devastated. We no longer believe in god, but we hope we will see our son again. I have a podcast, Nobody Knows Your Story where my guest shares their life stories. Ive had quite a variety of guests share their stories which has been very therapeutic.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
We relocated from Hawaii to AZ just before leaving mormonism. But, we didn't feel comfortable around our former church friends and decided to move back to UT where we hadn't lived since 1983. It's kinda funny moving to cult central after making our escape. We ended up in the St George area, and discovered a large post Mormon community. We have developed several "real" friendships that are based on things other than religion. We love it here!- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
I immediately went to the internet, found several articles, and the Mormon stories podcast. I was out in 4 weeks. I mentioned the podcast to my wife, she listened and asked for a few books like "No Man Knows My History". We resigned in June of 2017. We've never been happier. Facts over faith!- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
The next Sunday, sitting in Sacrament meeting, I went to lds.org and eventually found the essays. I read the first vision essay, saw that the 1832 account was the only one in Joseph's handwriting, and that it was vastly different than the 1838 version I had been taught and that I had taught as a missionary. I clearly remember thinking, "Well fuck me". This was January of 2017.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
In 2016, our daughter came home from BYU-H for Christmas break. She asked to speak to us, started crying and asked what we knew about the church essays. We had never heard of them. She said they had been studying them in her religion class, and what they said was very different than what we were told growing up. She said she Googled lots of factual mormon history and no longer believed. Pretty shocking.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
I had shelf items that began on my mission. You see, right before I left, I received a blessing and was told my family would be protected while I was away. About a year in, my younger brother Jeff broke his neck on a trampoline and was rendered a quadriplegic. He died at 28 due in part to his accident. Huh, what about the promise in the blessing? Yeah, this is where my shelf began to bow.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
I believed the church was true but NEVER said I knew it was. Why? Because I never had a prayer answered, and I specifically asked if it was true.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
Aloha, I'm Larry. I was born into the religion of my parents, Mormon. I grew up in Southern California and really didn't notice I was that different until Jr High. I should mention my parents were pretty normal. On Sunday we went to church, but we changed out of our Sunday clothes, watched TV, listened to music and could have friends over. I love my wife, my kids, Hawaii, the outdoors, softball and I was a Mormon.- Larry's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/larry-camp/
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This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I've had periods of silence with family members that lasted literal years. When I've tried to be a support person or help within my family, I've been avoided, I'm certain, because I'm "not a faithful person." I've lost all ability to be of service or even a source of comfort or knowledge, in my family. Not all family members feel this way, but enough that it makes being around them difficult. It's grief and loss, primarily, but also anger and frustration at being judged harshly for doing something that for me, was so personally positive and necessary. I felt like I followed the truth, and my family would have preferred I stayed, dishonestly, in the lie. It's disappointing to see your family as not having the bravery to be people of integrity and honesty, too. I'm not a perfect person, by any means, but the alienation I have received has no explanation other than my leaving the church."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"Leaving a cult can be traumatizing as people lose everything they have and know, but I, fortunately, am VERY happy. I view myself as a human. I'm capable of great good and great stupidity simultaneously, and nobody gets credit for my actions but me, and me alone. The good I do isn't God. It's me. The crap I do isn't Satan. It's the basic human condition, which is beautiful in its variability. Mistakes are not damning. Mistakes are just that, and they're easy to let go of. I no longer walk through a world of strangers, but a world of equals. I didn't know how scared I was of people outside the church until I wasn't afraid anymore, until I saw myself for what I was - truly one of them. The world is full of amazing, AMAZING good people who are happy and free."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"It took me years to stop being "angry" and accept that just LEAVING the church already might actually give me freedom and joy. It was scary. Finally, after years of grumping about EVERYTHING, I discovered I was pregnant with a little girl. My entire family resigned the following week. Somehow I had been able to justify and juggle the thought of raising sons in the church, but discovering that I would have a daughter made me see that future as impossible. My daughter deserved more than I had received. My daughter deserved to see herself as capable of anything. My daughter deserved to have happiness and feel confident and beautiful in all her dreams and ambitions. She deserved to see herself as a force for good. She deserved to see herself as incredibly strong, solely capable, and a leader if she wanted to. She wasn't inherently a temptation, or a "mother" before she'd even had a chance to become a woman. Obviously, leaving Mormonism involved SO MUCH MORE, but for me, it was being damned for being female. Mormonism is damnation to women."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"I was a raging feminist who complained about YM/YW activity inconsistencies and attitudes from the beginning. When I went to University I complained about sexism again, and realized how useless I felt as a woman in the church. When I went on a mission, I saw the church as cruel in the way they treated their missionaries and viewed their investigators as numbers. When I got married, I realized God was sexist. It took me YEARS to accept that Mormon God was sexist. Eventually I just convinced myself that that was the church, and it would catch up someday. It took me a couple years of reading history, and knowing the dark truths about Joseph Smith to realize I didn't believe in him, and that being a part of the Mormon community wasn't worth sacrificing my integrity for. It took YEARS. And then it took about one minute."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"For me it was also reading family history records - seeing how my ancestors were AVID treasure diggers, and how they adored Joseph Smith for his work with them - sacrificing the black dog for its blood, etc, in treasure rituals. It was looking at the murders that took place in Missouri, and recognizing that the Mormons were NOT the victims. It was in looking at the murders that happened in Utah, and empathizing with the women who were brought there under the illusion that polygamy didn't actually take place - only to catch them in the practice through their manipulations. I was misled from my earliest childhood to see the Mormons as completely innocent victims."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"In studying the history of the church, I found so many stories, so many alternate tellings, so many differences from FAITHFUL members, that I realized I had been deliberately misled. It's knowing that there were other First Vision accounts that varied SIGNIFICANTLY from the one traditionally taught. You can't tell me you'd see God the Father AND Jesus Christ and forget to mention it on more than one occasion. The fact that alternate accounts were literally hidden away in a safe by the prophet says they knew they were hiding something faith-shaking. It was in learning about Joseph's MANY adulterous encounters. It was realizing that Joseph being tarred and feathered was only because the doctor had a change of heart last minute and didn't castrate him, for his alleged crimes against another man's sister. It was reading the first-hand accounts from WOMEN who told of their encounters with the prophet, and their introduction to polygamy. It became apparent, to this ex-social worker, that Joseph Smith was a sexual predator, in MANY disturbing cases."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"I started an even deeper dive into gender inequality in the church - polygamy, priesthood, abuse, lies, betrayal, etc, etc, ETC, ETC. The doctrine of a Heavenly Mother broke my heart, though it didn't make me leave. I realized that not only did the Church recognize we had a Mother, they simultaneously commanded us not to talk to her, talk ABOUT her, or even tell us more about her. I realized my own divine destiny was like Her own - doomed to silence and playing eternal second fiddle."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"I was a rigid, rigid judgmental bitch. And I was SO angry. I've always been a strong, opinionated personality, intent on changing the world. I am ready to move mountains single-handedly if necessary. Being Mormon somehow managed to make that energy a bad thing. As a woman, I was "supposed" to be kind, sweet, and loving. I was supposed to make babies and be a homemaker, and I was "supposed" to be happy doing just that. Only that. And that was infuriating. So, this rigid, angry bitch got married, and started having children. Multiple children later, I realized I resented my husband. He had done nothing wrong, but he also had zero religious "ambition." He didn't want to be an apostle or anything! And subsequently, that meant I would never move mountains for my God, which was the most important thing I could ever be asked to do. As his wife, I would never have that opportunity."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. I was a Laurel President. I refused to date until I was 16. I went to a BYU, served an LDS mission in Toronto Canada, and have only ever kissed one man in my entire life - my husband. I am a mother, a historical sites hunter, a writer, and I was a mormon."- Murphy's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/murphy/
"That was the beginning of the end of my testimony. I told my wife and she did not take it well. So I continued going and going… for years. I stopped taking callings unless they directly impacted my kids. Primary pianist is easily the best calling in the church. I still went to Elders Quorum but instead of listening to someone read me the manual I would read books on my phone. I never again brought up the loss of faith in the church with my wife." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
"At the end of 2018 one of the counselors of the bishopric confronted us to have tithing settlement. I had been avoiding them for years but this time I couldn’t, he already had my wife and kids in the office with the bishop. When the bishop asked if we were full tithe payers my wife said yes. The bishop looked at my statement and saw the $0 my wife freaked out. That night was not pleasant. It was the first time in years we had brought up the problems I had with the church." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I always struggled with the history and lack of proof surrounding the Book of Mormon. I was able to leave that on my shelf waiting for the day that the evidence would be found. I knew a day would come that a bunch of buried swords would be found proving it was all true." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
"I was born and raised in Las Vegas Nevada. My mom was born with polygamist pioneer heritage and served a mission. My dad was an only child and a convert in his early 20s. I was always active growing up. My mom really pushed me to become an Eagle Scout. I served a mission in Ecuador 2002-2004. I met my wife shortly after returning home and we were married and sealed in the Las Vegas temple in 2005. We have five kids three of which are baptized. I have been serving in the National Guard since 2008 even running a small branch to pass sacrament during our duty weekends. We accepted all our callings and loved identifying as “Mormons”… until we didn’t. I was a Mormon." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
"We went for another year until COVID hit. During that time of at home church my wife was able to really deconstruct enough and we were never really active again. We returned after COVID a couple of times but all the lessons never really resonated with us. We could see it for what it was and stopped attending completely going on three years now." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
"In late 2015 I was talking to a fellow soldier during our monthly national guard assignment. He was expressing concern with a new policy excluding children of LGBT members from becoming members. It hadn’t really bothered me prior since no one I knew was affected. He had a family member that had been closeted and married to a female trying to start a family. He came out and got divorced and started a relationship with another man but continued to live the faith as much as possible. When my friend told me the story of how his family member would not be permitted to baptize their children it put a face to the abusive nature of the policy." - Alan's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/alan/
I'm happier now than I ever was in the church. As a Mormon, I perpetually felt like I wasn't good enough. My family was often in conflict over how to live the standards of the church and I was passing on the feelings of inadequacy to my children. Now, as an atheist, I'm free from all of that, I am me. I don't need to be someone else. I'm the father of my children and I can choose to teach them what I truly feel is right, not what some old white dude says I should teach them. I can simply focus on my own goals and I can forgive myself of my own mistakes. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
The thing that brought everything crashing down was actually an attempt at apologetics. In a classic evening of wiki wandering, I read about ancient Egypt and Israel, including a page about the Dead Sea Scrolls. I realized that we have a complete copy of Isaiah from ~150 BC. In my mind, this copy of Isaiah should have matched the Book of Mormon Isaiah chapters much more closely than the King James Version of the Bible does. I thought I would be able to use this to prove that the Book of Mormon was true. However, upon researching, I learned the exact opposite. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
Other things came up over the years. Rumors that the endowment was based on Free Masonry. Questions about whether prayer could change the behavior of an all-knowing, all-powerful God. Non-member friends highlighting the absurdity of the Jaredite barges. Even moments of clarity when I realized my "spiritual experiences" had mundane explanations. These and many others went straight to the shelf. I dismissed them with thought-stoppers and as a result, never felt like I was wavering at all. I thought I had such a firm foundation. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
I couldn't in good conscience continue pretending that it was true. What we were taught in church on Sundays was so drastically different from the history that the church itself had recorded that there was no way to excuse the church. It was readily apparent that the church was intentionally deceiving members and covering up evidence of the truth. So I left. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
Looking back, I see that many, many items went on my shelf over the years. The first was actually during a conference talk by Gordon B. Hinckley. He explained how we invite members of other faiths to bring the truth they have and add ours to it. I was just a teenager, but I had a rare moment of insight. I envisioned a member of a Christian church being told that they only had part of the truth and that the Mormon's had the rest of it. It occurred to me that they would feel the exact opposite: that *we* were the ones who lacked the full truth. That went straight on the shelf. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
The Book of Mormon matches the KJV much more closely than it does any older writings. In fact, the BOM contains text that was written long after 600 BC. I panicked and tried to rationalize this away. Every avenue I thought would help turned out to hurt more. Everything I researched about church history, Joseph's translation process, the testimonies of the witnesses, and so on turned out to point in the opposite direction. After about a month of digging through all the information I could find (from reliable sources only!) I had no choice but to leave the church. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
I was 100% in the church. I didn't doubt or question. I was obedient and faithful to the things I had been taught. I believed I had a firm testimony and had experienced many spiritual experiences to confirm that testimony. By the time I was 30 years old, I think I'd missed church fewer than 5 times in my life. At one point, we realized we'd missed paying tithing on a few paychecks, so we sold our couch, bedframe, TV stand, and keyboard (piano) in order to make the payment. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
My life finally feels REAL. When I'm sad, I don't need to pretend that some supernatural being is making me feel differently. When I succeed, I don't need to attribute my success to a deity to avoid being prideful. When I'm upset, I can evaluate the true causes of my emotions, rather than being afraid that Satan is attacking me. My life is mine, and it's logical, rational, and real. I love it. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
I'm a software developer who loves learning. I was raised in a very strict Mormon home. Among my siblings, I considered myself the most obedient. I never skipped. I didn't drink caffeine. I completed 4 years of seminary, went to BYU, served a mission, and got married in the temple. I was a Mormon. - Adam's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/adamj/
"The Emperor has no clothes" reference to the fairy tale in Hamilton.
"But he hasn't got anything on," a little child said. - The Emperor's New Clothes, Hans Christian Andersen
Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. - The Emperor's New Clothes, Hans Christian Andersen
“No one believes, but everyone believes that everyone else believes” - A Logic-Based Approach to Pluralistic Ignorance, Jens Ulrik Hansen, 2012
"What's this?" thought the Emperor. "I can't see anything. This is terrible! Am I a fool? Am I unfit to be the Emperor? What a thing to happen to me of all people!" – "Oh! It's very pretty," he said. "It has my highest approval." And he nodded approbation at the empty loom.
Nothing could make him say that he couldn't see anything. - The Emperor's New Clothes, Hans Christian Andersen
“I finished the Book of Mormon. As I kneeled to pray and asked if the book was true, I remember thinking that this was it - I would finally have the experience that everyone seems to talk about where they are overcome by the Spirit. The truth is, when I prayed, I didn't feel that way... Just because you may not receive an extremely strong confirmation does not mean the Book of Mormon isn't true or that your testimony is not as strong as someone else's. It simply means that the Spirit can speak to people in different ways and at different times... For me, this experience taught me that we don't always receive answers in the way we expect. I thought I would feel an overpowering spiritual impression after I prayed about the Book of Mormon - but I didn't. Honestly, I believe I already knew it was true.” - An Unexpected Answer, By Amy Carpenter. LDS Published New Era Magazine, Feb 2011
"I'll put Moroni's promise to the test," I told myself, eager to get started. "I'll finally learn whether the Church is true." For the next 90 days, I diligently devoured the book's contents. Exultant with joy as I closed with Moroni's farewell and amen, I scrambled to my knees. Brimming with anticipation, I posed my question: Was the Book of Mormon true? As I waited for a response, a cricket chirped. The air conditioner switched on. My watch intrusively ticked off the seconds as they passed. There was no burning bosom sensation, no chorus of angels, no flash of knowing. Nothing... The truth of this book isn't always manifest in burning bosoms and visions of angels; it's manifest in the lives of the people who read it and put it to use.
I don't need to ask anymore if this book is true. - Waiting for My Testimony, by Caroline LeDuc. LDS Published New Era Magazine, Feb 2010
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/cdj319/. There are over a hundred more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"The Sunday before we all graduated, our bishop came in to talk to our class about our next steps. It was filled with the most misogynistic bullshit I had ever heard! He told us that we would all be wives and mothers before we knew it (nothing about education except that it MIGHT be a good idea in case something happened to our husbands). He told us that we needed to make sure that our appearance was desirable and reminded us to maintain that in our marriages. He told us that we should wake up before our husbands and make sure we look pretty for them, make sure to get everything ready that they need for the day and make sure they have a nice clean home to come home to every day. I can't make this up! But I didn't want to get in trouble so I just set it aside yet again." - Chelsea's I was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"The next Sunday, I got called into my bishop's office and he was very upset with me. I did not follow the teachings of the church and that "was simply unacceptable." He told me I needed to apologize to the girls' parents for telling them things that didn't coincide with our leaders. I told him no and asked him to go and ask the girls who were in my group how the lesson made them feel instead. What did I do that was so bad? I walked out of his office and thought that maybe I should have just done what they asked so I wouldn't have gotten in trouble. Guilt started to set in and I didn't tell anyone. Another heavy item on my shelf." - Chelsea's I was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"The very first time I had an issue with church leadership was when I was 16 years old and brought into my bishop's office to have a check-in "interview" where we talked about driving and, of course, dating. The two big milestones when you turn 16! I remember feeling so excited about those two new privileges. My bishop talked to me about general safety and joked that he would stay off the roads for a little while. Then we started talking about dating. He advised me to go out in groups and never be alone with a boy. Then he said something that resonated with me negatively. He said "please make sure that you dress in a way that will not distract any young man from straying from the path" I didn't mind dressing modestly so that was fine, but why was it MY responsibility to keep HIM from going off the path? My bishop has good counsel, so I decide to push my feelings aside and just listen. My first item on the shelf." - Chelsea's I was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"I pulled out a brand new $20 bill and started to ask the girls what they would buy with it. After they gave me their answers, I crumpled it, stomped on it, rubbed it in the dirt, tore a small piece off of a corner, and taped it back together. I turned back and asked, "now what can you buy with this?" They all looked confused and gave me the same answers. I told them that it didn't matter how dirty, broken, or crumpled they felt, they would always be worth the same amount. The female leaders thought it was great, but the priesthood leader who was listening did not and immediately called my bishop." - Chelsea's I was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
