Hi, I'm Shawn Matheson

I'm very grateful for what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints taught me, and it will always be part of me for what I learned and experienced.

I'm now more of a universalist; I appreciate all teachings and traditions, and I align with Christ Consciousness.

The LDS church was a great experience for me, as experiential learning was a valuable lesson module for me in this lifetime. I believe in our soul-contract (pre-existence), so how could I be mad at an organization I chose to be part of and learned and benefited from? The LDS culture is a beautiful faith community, full of good people who help and support each other. I had great experiences in the LDS church.

I have completed my soul contract with Mormonism; it worked well for me then it did not. The LDS Church helped me see parts of myself that I liked and did not -- and on the latter I've been learning to be kinder to myself, i.e. to treat myself / others more like an unconditionally loving parent for their child or a child for anyone.

I carry Mormonism with me in my journey, it will always be in my dimensional presence and field. When we treat our past timelines (e.g. religious experience) with radical honesty, self-reflection, self-love and forgiveness and compassion, when we see ourselves in it but not defining ourselves by it, when we see everything working for our good (when that's our paradigm and come-from) -- we radically transform ourselves and positively influence others.

I go deeper and wider in love when I separate myself from dogma and labels, when I quiet my mind, when I feel gratitude, and when I observe (not absorb). For example, Mormonism was how I defined myself for a long time, and being ExMormon was how I defined myself for a short time -- but then I began to see that while faith and faith transition are valid, deconstruction does not have to be demolition, and detachment can become a new form of attachment if we stay negatively charged about it.

I now experience and see more nuance, and I see less separation (non-duality / Advaita) and more connection, like a Golden Tapestry (vs a thread).

When we love as God loves unconditionally like a parent for a child or a child for anyone, we experience One'ness -- or Christ Consciousness, Krishna Nature, Buddha Awakening, Sikh Naam, etc. Most importantly that One'ness is not a future state but is wrapped into the present, because there is no time and space - all in fact is in the present moment, or quantum field of kaleidoscope-simultaneous, i.e. heaven is here and now and life's what we make it!

We choose what vibration we attune to, and it comes about as our reality to what we experience. We can stay in whatever vibrational state (listen and believe) we want to for as long as we'd like. It's all experience and all choices are valid, because all experiences teach us.

I think of this life like a dream in that respect, which does not trivialize my life experience, it just that cool fact that I am the script writer, director, and actor of my own scenes -- and my present reality is what I have already put into motion.

I believe God is the glue of it all. God is in you, me, everything -- there is no separation, we are all God Essence / Consciousness.

There are no right and wrong answers for me anymore, there are just experiences and consequences. For me it's easier now to see the matrix/dream/dance/play/life for what it is (a beautiful dharma of creative, experiential playground, set to my intentions/soundtrack). I can set my intention and let things flow and be okay with how and when God/Universe creates that experience for me. I create and experience. I simply now do so spiritually, without organized religion.

The Buddha taught that what we are attached to (for example our ideas, such as religious dogmas), can eventually cause us to suffer (i.e. when the levee breaks). Jesus similarly taught about the lilies of the field and the birds of the sky, how they toil not or think not for tomorrow, and he talked about still versus living waters. Lao Tzu talked about walking the middle path (middle of the yin-hang s-curve), being like an unassuming tree, and being like the water-flow (wu-wei, or effortless action). Sadhguru said, "You are not that experience, it's just something you experienced." Vishen Lakani (MindValley) teaches about radical gratitude and forgiveness, how those create empathy, which is love and connection (no separation).

I believe these sages were teaching us to not take ourselves or our beliefs too seriously, that it's better to observe and experience without attachment or judgement, to go with the flow (but set to our intentions), and to simply experience with gratitude and love.

The yoga of Right Knowledge is liberation (and a tough pill to swallow if we are attached to dogma) + the yoga of Right Action = the fun of life ... experiences we learn from and lean into! In the end, everything works for our good when we see the good in it.

Life is a lot more fun for me now, it's more like a playful dance and I'm enjoying it more! I feel more of a freedom to explore any content I like, I feel a more direct connection with God, and I feel liberated to have a more agnostic and nuanced view of things. I have more questions than I've ever had, and that's more fun too!

For some fun, these are fitting theme songs and sayings for me: "Life's What You Make It" (Talk Talk, great 80s song), and "Everything In It's Right Place" (Radiohead, such a unique song and band). My wife has a t-shirt I love, and it fits her cool personality so well, "I'm Fine, You're Fine, Everything is Fine!"

We are never alone, and we are already abundant and imbued with God's love. I always felt God/Love in my faith de/reconstruction. I never needed to doubt God, because in quiet stillness I already knew Love/God. When we go deeper into love nothing separates us -- we just have different languages set to the same intentions. Certain languages are universal like music, math, spirituality, and love.

Plane after plane opens to us when we let go of our ego-minds and we become comfortable in the questions and equation (rather than the product of some supposed answer for destination). The Universe/God always has our back on our journey. There are no right or wrong answers, there is only experience. We are expressions of God, like quantum connectedness of inter-connections, or reflections in layers of sacred geometry.

Our beliefs are usually shaped by where we grow up, and I see church now as a valuable structure for experience. For me it is not important what we believe, but how we treat ourselves and others.

My faith transition was extremely hard for a while, like histrionic hard for a time. I felt like emotional ashes in my LDS deconstruction, because it was the world I knew and what I had attached to in incontrovertible truth and self-definition.

I had to kill my ego, and I had to kill my heroes -- when I realized I needed none of them.

But there was always the Source Ember there which my spirit/soul was part of, as we are all God-source/particle. It took me finding that internal, non-separated Ember and nurturing it, breathing in and allowing oxygen and space, allowing it to flicker again but in a new way.

We rebuild from our deconstruction ashes, and the only thing important is our internal Ember and the present moment -- to know we are of God's Spirit/Source. Our flame grows stronger as we let go, breathe, and accept that everything is okay. We lean into right knowledge and right action ... until pretty soon we realize that life and eternity is right here, right now -- and that we are all sitting around the same fire with each other (concept of Ram Dass, with my applicational thoughts).

I walked into my fear-filled religious cave at first with curiosity, but then with vulnerability and open-mindedness I slowly became increasingly willing to reexamine my truth stories and views ... and I came out a different person.

I am a new person spiritually/energetically. I'm much more accepting and open-minded, more inquisitive and light-hearted, and more present in feeling genuine gratitude for the moment.

I now see the illusion of time like a figure eight convergence point, all flowingly entwined to this intersection of present moment, and changing my experience with it and view of it, i.e. feeling things happening through me vs to me and feeling gratitude for it, changes my connected past and future.

Our fears it turns out, and even the bits of low vibrational honey of habits we all use to satiate ourselves (religious ego can be an attachment, low-vibrational habits can be an attachment, etc.), are all simply mind-created paper dragons and sandcastles. Our ego and mind (lower energy) try to keep us safe from the unknown -- and religions and people who center in authority can play on that, saying they have all the answers (when in fact there is only choice and experience).

When we release fear, we realize that freedom is seeing the play and matrix for what it is. There is a moment when we awaken to the beautiful truth that we are co-creators with God, writing our own journey -- and knowing that nothing but our fears can harm us, and everything ultimately works for our good. There is no Dante's Hell of finality or judgement day to fear, but there is experience, unconditional love and progress. When we experience the consequences of our actions, we eventually learn to create right action. We can all have as much time as we need. We can do good for the moral objective of the good reason itself (vs a hope of some great reward, or the fear of punishment).

Wisdom is everywhere and no tradition or church has a monopoly on Infinite God / Source. The source of claiming such exclusivity is our ego of having the answers. While that's comforting, it's limiting. Wisdom/Sofia is everywhere (Grace/Creation/Divine Feminine). Truth/Logos is everywhere (Inner Strength / Sovereignty / Divine Male). Light and darkness are everywhere. Feeling and accepting is the moment where we realize the connectedness of it/us all.

I've learned that letting go is about radical gratitude, radical empathy, and radical perspective, i.e. transmuting memories and experiences from negatively charged into positive. Learning from many different sources (yoga of knowledge), allowing myself time, being kind to myself, and two therapists (two different modalities of neuro-reprogramming) (yoga of action), have all helped me in my de/reconstruction journey. I have also had a beautiful community of positive people surrounding me, at first a faith-based community, now more friends I connect with on a spiritual level -- for whom I am very grateful.

But nothing nor anyone has helped me more in my faith-spiritual journey than my supportive and loving wife; I just don't have words enough for Angie other than Love and Gratitude.

Deconstruction is by nature reconstruction, one and the same process -- and the sooner we find ourselves in the middle path (the middle of the yin-yang s-curve, or "the space between") with agnostic observation and feeling gratitude by seeing all-around (vs a false dichotomy of fight) -- the easier our experience becomes. The experience of contrast we had was there, but it does not need to define us, it's just something from which we learned and benefited.

To close out, I love the Hindu principle/greeting of Namaste, or the divine light within me bows to the divine light within you; we honor together the place in us/all where the entire universe dwells. I have benefited a great deal from the modern teachings of Sadhguru, he conveys the beauty and practicality of Hinduism and Vedantic (realization of unity as the path to liberation and freedom from suffering) thought in a way I can understand; he's a very good teacher. I have a friend who has kindly offered to host me at Sadhguru's Isha Center. I will love spending time there, as well as Preethaji and Krishnaji's Ekam (authors of The Four Sacred Truths). I will also love visiting the Sikh Golden Temple in the Punjab. I'm starting to study Yogananda more now, who brought yogic thinking to the west in the mid 1900s. Hinduism was very foreign to my western mind at first, but as I've leaned-in and peeled away religiosity (rituals, or what we would call ordinances or sacraments), I've benefited a lot from the perspectives and realizations -- and at its essence I see beautiful and bridging inter-weavings.

Bridging Hindu with Christianity, God Essence (Sat-Chit-Ananda, or Brahman-Atman) is a very ancient Hindu belief, and who knows where Jesus traveled from 13 to 30 years old or with whom he interacted -- but we do know that Jesus taught this metaphorical and esoteric principle, i.e. that he claimed his own God Essence. Jesus' Beatitudes are the core of it all, the beauty of realizing and being. Christianity is my life path and for me Jesus is Christ. My personal relationship with Jesus has drawn closer in recent years with a different understanding, i.e. Christ Consciousness.

Bridging to Judaism, in the end all that is good is a language of praise to God/Love, right down to the beautiful first and last breath we take on this earth (YH-WH) (Yahweh being the Hebrew name for God and such a beautiful concept of Breath of Life). Learning the context of beautiful Jewish teachings (Mikvah, Mashiach, etc.) has helped me a great deal.

Bridging to Islam, I love the spiritualistic Sufi tradition (music and poetry, way of life). I love the poignantly simple yet powerful poetry of Rumi, and how he used light to describe God/Spiritual Essence. I love the Quran's teaching that the Creator is never separated from the Created (Sura Qaf 50:16, Sura Al-Baqarah 2:186). I've loved exploring Sufi music in the Coke Series (Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Abvida Parveen, etc.). Islam is a very approachable and beautiful religion, and the spiritualistic nature of Sufi tradition resonates with me.

Bridging to Buddhism, I love the concept of inter-dependence (Pratityasamutpada), universal compassion and meditative awareness, and I love the Zen philosophy for simplicity, detachment, serenity, and quietly looking inward (freeing the mind). Philosophical Buddhism (like Taoism), i.e. the way of life without the religious aspects, is so valuable and practical. I love chilling to Zen music, and I've become a student of Tai Chi and Qi Gong (meditation with movement, energy flow).

Bridging to Sikh, the beautiful music of Snatam Kaur led me to study the valuable Guru Granth Sahib teachings of interconnected fabric of life, unity in diversity, and divine one'ness (Ik Onkar), the nature of God's presence everywhere (Nam), and cleanliness and order (Hukam). I love and admire the peacemaking and equal nature of Sikh tradition, which has existed peacefully with its neighbors in the religiously diverse Punjab area (cradle of many religions). I love that there is always has an open door to its Golden Temple, always a Langar meal after the worship service and for the poor, and that everyone sits in equality with each other. I absolutely love how the Gurus broke down the caste system to promote equality, and how everyone has the same last name. I love the Sikh focus on cleanliness (Ishnan), and the carrying of the small wooden Kangha comb to remind of that. I also admire the noble Sikh spirit and tradition for defending the weak. Sikh culture has had so much good influence.

Bridging to Taoism, the Dao was so valuable and instrumental for me to see my western thinking differently. I absolutely love Daoist way of life for going with the flow with effortless action (wu-wei), being unassuming (like the crooked tree), having justice and being behind the scenes as governmental approach (if only Lao Tsu were here today), and the Confucious, similar path. Speaking of the Dao ("the way"), Allen Watts’ material (1960s, San Francisco) recordings (collections on Spotify, Audible) were particularly helpful for me. Mr. Watts melds so beautifully Hindu, Buddhist, and Daoist philosophy, which he bridges to Jesus’ teachings, and he conveys in such a modern and practical way as to inspire examined living. PS for a fun fact, Jedi Star Wards lines are fully Taoist!

In general, I love the spiritualistic nature of teachings, i.e. the practical and applicational value I derive from what I learn. My former part of life was that (for my tradition) but also centered in religiosity (doctrines, ordinances). Religion was hugely valuable for me and a great life experience. The more I've learned from diverse sources, the more beauty and unity I've seen, the more questions I have, and the more I understand the value of spirituality, and that life is simply about how we live (not what we believe) and what we experience and learn!

I see a Golden Tapestry in all beautiful strands, and mostly importantly in a living word/experience. Teachings give us wisdom (and are best understood in context of their time), and regardless of our ideologies it's our lived, present experience that matter the most, i.e. how we love God by loving ourselves and others (the Golden Rule).

LOVE is all that matters.

I changed the world by changing myself.

If you'd like a friendly person to share your story with, I'm open to conversation, you can find me on LinkedIn. Cheers to you and your journey -- and thanks for taking time to read about mine!!