My name is Emily Lacock

The fact that sexual abuse is all too familiar to people both inside and outside of the Mormon Church was a major factor for me deciding to share my experience about sexual abuse.

Unfortunately, my story is many times brighter than that of many abused Latter-Day Saints. After coming to terms with the abuse and my feelings toward it I have been able to have open dialogues with my parents and friends.

Let me be clear, I was not told directly that I was to blame, I was not counseled by a bishop to believe that I had committed a terrible sin. Those judgements were based on my perception of god that I had learned through my experience in the Mormon Church and events in my life.

Many members of the Mormon Church who have experienced abuse, with its many faces, HAVE been told that they are sinners. For some, as it was for me, healing begins with and is sustained through self-love, and love from others.. For others, healing begins with the very retelling of the event. It is critical that there exists a space in which people feel safe to share the experiences of their lives.

If that safe, loving space is not found within the religious community a person is a part of, there is an obvious problem with the doctrine that is directing the leaders and members of said community.

In my experience, there is a problem with the directing doctrine of the Mormon Church where a person risks losing support of their loved ones when an individual makes an educated, heartfelt decision regarding their personal life.

I must clarify that, while I realize that certain situations with men make me uncomfortable based on my history, I am not, in any way suggesting that my queerness started with my sexual abuse.

Becoming skeptical about my belief in god opened my mind beyond the “laws of god” that I had been led to believe and had been taught that adhering to were my only option for “true” happiness.

I feel clean, I am happy, and most of all I am empowered. My eyes and heart are open to people, to their individual struggles, to their victories. We all deserve to feel and experience love and support.

While in the LGBT community formal rights are vastly important, the greater struggle is toward a literal rewriting of “social laws” to include and respect people of all sexual and gender minorities. As I mentioned, I am part of a campaign at Utah Valley University named “It’s Safe OUT Here” to move forward with the struggle to promote respect and include people of all sexual and gender minorities.

It’s Safe Out Here is calling for all LGBT and allied folks throughout Utah County and attending Utah Valley University to “come out of the closet” and share themselves and their stories with their associates, friends and families.

My personal goal is that through this campaign at UVU and in Utah County we can begin the deconstruction of homophobia, repeal negative consequences of stereotypes and pejoratives as well as build a healthy, open group of LGBT and allied peoples amongst, and hopefully someday with, Mormons.

My name is Emily Lacock and I’m an Ex Mormon.

Emily’s blog about her “It’s Safe Out Here” campaign can be found here: safeouthere.blogspot.com/