Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
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"During the remainder of my mission, I became extremely anxious. I didn't have access to sufficient resources, so I lost a significant amount of weight and lived with an infected foot for the majority of my mission. While I had great relationships with a couple of companions, I survived emotional and physical abuse from multiple companions without any option for recourse from the church. When riots started, we were told to stay in our homes, but many of us didn't have sufficient food and clean water. We used gift money we had received from home to purchase some emergency food and supplies (against the instructions of the mission president). When I served as assistant, I started seeing major issues with how the mission was run. I was expected to do the job of a mental health professional when missionaries called in distress. I saw how little the church did to help missionaries who were robbed or assaulted. And I noticed the lack of discernment that went into assigning mission companions." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I was to serve in the Honduras Tegucigalpa mission. After some research, I learned it was statistically one of the most dangerous places in the world. I heard from someone who served there that the church often provided inadequate food, medicine, and housing to missionaries. All the talks and lessons during the MTC conveyed one message to me: if I was not an exactly obedient, perfect missionary, my safety was immediately in danger. If I failed to obey any of the mission rules or commandments, my parents were in danger of never seeing their son again. On top of all of this, we were closely monitored as we wrote home. There were several staff members in the computer lab at all times while it was unlocked, and we were told that if we were struggling, we should not include that in our emails home. Everything was to be faith-promoting. This struck me as extremely strange: God trusted me to represent Him in a huge capacity, but He didn’t trust me to email my mom. Because of all of this, I didn’t dare write home about how awful I felt since I believed disobedience would put me in danger (or at best earn me some kind of punishment), and I didn’t need to stress out my worried family even further." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I was one of the first people endowed in the Idaho Falls temple after the renovation, so it was a disorganized, confusing experience to say the least. I received no explanation of what to expect, and it was traumatizing to be expected to make huge promises without any indication beforehand of what those promises would be. Everything was disorienting, and all of my ordinances were performed “for and in behalf of Landon, who is dead.” It wasn’t until later that I learned they had a different script to read if it was a living ordinance, and I spent the rest of my time in the church wondering if my endowment was even valid. I became anxious that this was God’s punishment for some sin I hadn’t remembered to repent of, throwing away my shot at exaltation." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"In the same way the church assumed I wanted to be baptized and receive the priesthood, they assumed I wanted to serve a mission. It was made clear to me since primary that I would disappoint my parents and likely be berated or shunned by members if I didn’t serve. I was told I wouldn’t find a wife if I didn’t serve a mission, and I knew the young women in the church were taught to only date returned (with honor) missionaries. I attended mission preparation classes and went to the “mission prep” activities (where leaders taught us how to sew on a button or cook a grilled cheese sandwich), but I still felt unprepared. I had spent my whole life in the church, but I still felt that its doctrine was so convoluted that I couldn’t make sense of it. I had prayed about the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, and the truthfulness of the church. I never felt anything, but I figured God was holding off or I was not righteous enough to get a response. If everyone around me said the church was true, it must be. I received a phone call from the ward secretary asking when I would like to meet to start mission papers. When I arrived, I learned my papers had already been started. I was given a list of tasks to complete along with a deadline, and I was told what to set as my availability date." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I remember receiving praise from my family because I had made the decision to be baptized and receive the priesthood. I enjoyed the praise, but I don’t remember making any decision. The church simply expected me to want to participate. When I remember church in my early teenage years, the emotion that dominates my memories is fear. I was terrified of messing up, doing anything that wasn’t perfectly Christlike. I didn’t dare let myself have a crush on someone, since my leaders’ loose interpretation implied that being attracted to someone was as bad as murder. It was not until my 20s that I learned that this nervous voice in my head was clinical anxiety telling me I wasn’t good enough, not the Holy Ghost keeping me safe from sin." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
"I'm a computer engineering PhD student. I believe everyone is worthy and has inherent value. As I grew up, I did all the right things, as far as my young self could tell. All of my friends belonged to active families. I was baptized the day after my eighth birthday, and I started going to Cub Scouts that same week. I was encouraged to share my testimony in primary, and despite not understanding any of it, I recited the familiar lines: “I know the church is true, I know Heavenly Father loves me,” and so on. When I aged out of primary, this became second nature. I was a Mormon." - Landon's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/elementalepistles/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I wrote a letter to the church and told them everything. I told them that I wanted the sealing canceled and that if they wanted this type of person in the church, it was their business. All I received back was a letter stating that it was canceled, and the kidnappers continued to go to church and hide behind it. As much as the Mormon church talks about families, they do not care about families. Since that time, I have changed my name because I will not carry on Jean’s fourth husband's last name. I also did an adult adoption of my biological father. I completed a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice and am currently working on getting a Master of Business Administration." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I reached out to family and friends, Mormon church leaders, and law enforcement with all of this information for help. With family and friends, they either did not want to deal with Jean or tried to gaslight me into thinking that I should be okay with it. They failed to understand or see from my view how it destroyed me and my family. The Mormon Church counseled some of the people to “don’t get involved.” I resigned from the Mormon Church, effectively canceling all of the blessings that had been given to me. I knew that somewhere down that line, after I die, someone was going to do a baptism for the dead in my name. Because of this, I would be sealed again to the individuals who kidnapped me." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I spent a month calling people to get information; some were willing to work with me, and others denied knowing anything. From everything that I gathered and from knowing how Jean operated, this is what I have been able to determine. Jean (my grandmother) got married to her fourth husband, and he really wanted a son to carry on his name. But Jean was to old and not able to have any more children, so when my mother, Susan, got pregnant with me, they ran my biological father off. Jean being a manipulative individual, she and her husband put their names on my birth certificate." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I called my sister Jennifer, in a nutshell I was gaslighted and told that if it was true, I should be grateful to Jean and her husband for raising me, and she let it slip that she had known since she was about sixteen years old. She knew that Jean and Martin were not her real parents either. I called my father the next day, and he denied everything. From that moment on, I started to track down and contact anybody that I knew who might have information about why I was never told. Growing up, I never felt truly loved by my parents; I always felt that I was a burden to Jean and to my father. So, for me, if there was a logical answer, I was more than happy to hear it." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"In February of 2017, at the age of forty, my whole world was turned upside down. Earl reached out to me and told me that we needed to talk – because we were siblings. I had not talked to Earl in over twenty years, and I did not trust him because Jean had put the idea in my head that he was not to be trusted. Growing up, I heard from Kathy that Jean and her husband were not my real parents and that Susan was my real mother. I never believed any of this because I trusted my parents and why would my parents lie to me? Any time I would ask them, they would call Kathy a liar and say she was making things up. Kathy’s own kids have been told this, and they never believe her either. At the same time, I had an uncle on my father’s side come visit me. My wife had numerous discussions about this topic and decided to ask him if any of the rumors were true. He was flabbergasted that I asked him that question because he thought I knew. The lies that Kathy was saying for all those years were true, and Susan was my real mother. I was devastated." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"At the age of nineteen, I was told I was going on a mission, and I did not want to. I wanted to join the military. This went against Jean’s wants and told me that I was going “to serve in God’s army”. I was miserable and told myself that I would never listen to what Jean wanted me to do again. When I got home, I met my wife, and eventually married and had two kids. Eventually we moved to another state for work. In 2013, two months after the fact, I found out that Susan had passed away. I called my parents and asked why I was not told, and Jean just laughed about it and was smug on the phone. She was not invited to her daughter’s funeral, and there was a restraining order against her, so she was not even allowed to go, even if she wanted to go. I thought it was odd, but I had stopped trying to communicate with her many years ago unless I had to. I understood that my family was dysfunctional, but that was all I knew." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"Jean was also a liar and a thief. She was running a shoplifting ring with her daughters, Susan, Kathy, and Jennifer. One of them would go into a store, bring them out to the car, and then someone else would take the item back into the store and ask for a cash refund. During this time, I was forced to go to church, and we became the ideal Mormon family. I absolutely despised going to church because I was told that if I “do what is right, I will be blessed.” This went against everything that I saw at home. Because Jean was shoplifting and manipulating people behind closed doors then being rewarded, it never made sense to me. Around the age of ten, my family was sealed in the Manti Temple as an eternal family. That would not only be together in this life but into the next." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I grew up in a very narcissistic environment where Jean (mom) was the controlling party, and if you did not do what she said, there was going to be hell to pay, and she would find ways to punish you. She controlled everything in my life and also her other children’s lives. I was only allowed to do things that she could control or that made her look good. Jean had two different personalities. In public, she acted like a devoted wife and mother who wanted the best for her family, and then behind closed doors, she was a miserable person who did not want anybody (especially her kids) to be better than her." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
"I did all of the typical Mormon things growing up. Becoming an Eagle Scout and getting my patriarchal blessing. In my blessing, it stated that I would “take care of my parents in their declining years." I grew up in Utah in a Mormon family with a mother (Jean), and father (Martin), and one sister (Jennifer) who was ten years older than me. I also had step siblings that were 15-20 years older than me. My step siblings (Susan and Kathie) have kids, and their kids are around the same age as me. I was their uncle, and it just never seemed right, and even at a young age, I recognized it. In February of 2017, my whole world, as I know it was changed forever. I found out that the individuals that I called mom and dad for over forty years were not my real parents! I was a Mormon." - Max's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blackheart/
“Labels are invented to foster feelings of segregation and competition. Serious seperations results when labels are utilized with the intent to demean... If we allow nicknames to be used or adopt or even sponsor those nicknames ourselves, [The Savior] is offended.” - Russell M. Nelson vs “To be offended is a choice we make... One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the offensive actions of others. Choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady.” - David A. Bednar
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"A few years ago I summarized my story in a letter I sent to President Russell M. Nelson. I have not received any response from any church leaders regarding my letter. I can conclude that LDS Church leaders are in awe of what can be accomplished when members and former members, along with non LDS associates, work as a well oiled machine to defeat false nonsense." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"Mormonism is a hoax. Though I no longer believe my youthful Mormon mythology, I will be ever grateful for the contributions of the (to use an Anthropological term) "Mormon Tribal Community" wherein I learned the many lessons from this cultural milieu of my youth that have served me." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"Realizing there was no historical foundation to support any 1820 First Vision was crucial to my LDS Faith investigations, resulting in my belief that The Old Testament, The New Testament and The Book of Mormon are all fiction. Anyone who wishes to convince me otherwise will need to first go through the Old Testament which cannot be considered as reliable evidence (lacking the required archaeological support) for what allegedly had happened in ancient Israel. I became an atheist when I learned of three French and German scholars, Jean-Baptiste Mirabaud, Baron d’Holbach and Bruno Bauer. The first two wrote and published Système de la Nature (System of Nature) and Bauer wrote Christus und die Cäsaren (Christ and The Caesars), which was originally published in 1877." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"Myself, John W. Fitzgerald, Douglas A. Wallace, and attorney Brian M. Barnard, as dedicated gadflies during that period of time (1970-1978), acting as a team brought attention to the falsehood of the 1969 policy letter, thereby resulting in the 9 June 1978 change." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"My belief in Mormonism was on the decline in October 1977, influenced in part through discovering Smith’s signature on Able’s 1836 Ordination License in August 1977 and reading the 1977 “Spalding Enigma” book. By then I was acquainted with John Fitzgerald, Doug Wallace and Vernal Holley. In fact, I probably learned about the book, Who Really Wrote the Book of Mormon, from Vern Holley. In my studies through the 1980s, I wrote a paper for an anthropology class called “Mormon Exaggerations”. The 1986 Signature Books publication, Dale Morgan On Early Mormonism, edited by John Walker, was an eye opener for me (especially chapter 3). Some of my pissed-off relatives decided to steal my Social Security Survivor’s Benefits and use it to bribe and kidnap our (their deceased mother and me) two young (12 and 16 years old) daughters." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"In 1978 the church changed their policy of banning the priesthood from blacks. My wife passed away in September 1979, but we celebrated the 9 June 1978 LDS black priesthood change together. My 7 June 1978 lawsuit against Kimball happened at the right time to show that it was THE pivotal push over the edge. The LDS Church could not admit to having made a mistake so they covered the whole thing up until 2013 when they finally published the news which I had told them about in 1977 as a Gospel Topic Essay." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"N. E. Tanner was wrong in the 1969 First Presidency Letter. I publicly opposed him and explained why, but he never recanted his statment, even after it was shown to be false. His statement is false because Joseph Smith signed the 1836 Elijah Able Ordination License, which proves Joseph Smith didn't teach the priesthood ban. The church apostle, Nathan Eldon Tanner, was found to be lying, but I was the one excommunicated. Rather than the church appreciating the correction, I was kicked out for speaking truth and pointing out the incorrect statement of the church leaders. In the 1977 excommunication trial, I was not allowed to present my “Accused” defense, so the excommunication did not follow the prescribed procedure and should not be valid." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
"In October 1977, I voted not to sustain N. Eldon Tanner in the Tabernacle, it was because he lied when he put his signature on a 15 December 1969 First Presidency letter which states "From the beginning of this dispensation, Joseph Smith and all succeeding presidents of the Church have taught that Negroes, while spirit children of a common Father, and the progeny of our earthly parents Adam and Eve, were not yet to receive the priesthood." The 1969 statement was historically false, because Joseph Smith in 1836 had signed the Elijah Able Elder License." - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
I was raised in the LDS church. In 1977, I was excommunicated for publicly opposing a sustaining vote of a General Authority in General Conference due to the black priesthood ban. I was a Mormon. - Byron's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/byron-marchant/
“Often unkind nicknames are added to—or even substituted for—given names. Labels are invented to foster feelings of segregation and competition. For example, athletic teams acquire names to intimidate others, such as Giants, Tigers, Warriors, and so on. Harmless you say? Well, perhaps not overly important. But that is only the beginning. More serious separation results when labels are utilized with the intent to demean, such as Jew, Gentile, black, Hispanic, or Mormon.” Russell M. Nelson, LDS Apostle, 1995 | BYU Devotional, “A More Excellent Hope”
“I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin... I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.” - Neo, The Matrix, 1999
“The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work. When you go to church. When you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth... What is the Matrix? Control. The Matrix is a computer-generated dream world, built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into [a battery].” - Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
“I imagine that right now you’re feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole... What is real? How do you define "real"? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then "real" is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. This is the world that you know... Have you ever had a dream, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? Welcome to the real world.” - Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
“Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with this world. You don't know what, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad... Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.” - Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
“The Matrix is a system... But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system... You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” - Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
“Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more.” - Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
"Second incident occurred Nov 11 1976 involving Piper PA 31 N74985. Pilot experienced rough engine on scheduled flight between Salt Lake City and St. George. 3 passengers on board. Engine was feathered and precautionary landing made at Delta, Utah per instructions in company manual. Investigation revealed cylinder base studs sheered. As result of occurrence Sky West changed maintenance procedures by checking torque studs at each 100 hour inspection. No damage to aircraft. No injuries to crew or passengers." - Civil Aeronautics Board Reports, Volume 73, Economic Cases of the Civil Aeronautics Board, March to June 1977, Page 1089-1090 and an image of the exact Piper PA 31 N74985
"Second incident occurred Nov 11 1976 involving Piper PA 31 N74985. Pilot experienced rough engine on scheduled flight between Salt Lake City and St. George. 3 passengers on board. Engine was feathered and precautionary landing made at Delta, Utah per instructions in company manual. Investigation revealed cylinder base studs sheered. As result of occurrence Sky West changed maintenance procedures by checking torque studs at each 100 hour inspection. No damage to aircraft. No injuries to crew or passengers." - Civil Aeronautics Board Reports, Volume 73, Economic Cases of the Civil Aeronautics Board, March to June 1977, Page 1089-1090
"I was in a small airplane, and all of the sudden the engine on the wing caught fire. It exploded and burning oil was poured all over the right side of the airplane and we started to dive toward the earth. We were spinning down our death. Oh, this woman across the aisle, I just was so sorry for her. She was just absolutely uncontrollably hysterical. And I was calm. I was totally calm, even though I knew I was going downto my death. I was ready to meet my Maker. We didn't crash. We didn't die. The spiral dive extinguished the flame. The pilot got control and started the other engine up. We made an emergency landing out in a field." - Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them, Video from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Narrated by Russell M. Nelson
I remember vividly an experience I had as a passenger in a small two-propeller airplane. One of its engines suddenly burst open and caught on fire. The propeller of the flaming engine was starkly stilled. As we plummeted in a steep spiral dive toward the earth, I expected to die. Some of the passengers screamed in hysterical panic. Miraculously, the precipitous dive extinguished the flames. Then, by starting up the other engine, the pilot was able to stabilize the plane and bring us down safely.Throughout that ordeal, though I “knew” death was coming, my paramount feeling was that I was not afraid to die. - Elder Russell M. Nelson, Doors of Death, General Conference, April 1992
November 12—Flew to St. George. When one of the small airplane’s engines exploded, I expected to be killed. But after a precipitous dive in the disabled plane, the pilot made a safe emergency landing in Delta. I was going to St. George to give the opening prayer at the inaugural services at which Rolfe Kerr became president of Dixie College. - Russell M. Nelson, From Heart to Heart: An Autobiography, Quality Press, Inc. 1979. Highlights of 1977, Page 376
“When Wendy and I were on an assignment, in a distant land, armed robbers put a gun to my head, and pulled the trigger, but the gun didn't fire.Throughout that experience, both of our lives were threatened. Yet Wendy and I felt an undeniable peace. It was the peace which passeth all understanding.” - Russell M. Nelson, LDS Church President, General Conference, October 2024
As of 2024, 66% of the current LDS Apostles are from Utah. Since 1850, when Utah became a U.S. Territory, over 82% of all Apostles have either been young immigrants to or natives of Utah. Expanding the geographic scope to include the broader "Mormon Corridor" (Utah, Southern Idaho, and Northern Arizona), this figure rises to over 92%.
”[General Authorities] are given a living allowance which enables them to focus all of their time on serving in the Church. This practice allows for far more church members on a worldwide basis to be considered for a calling to serve as a General Authority, rather than limiting considerations to only those who may be financially independent.” - Do General Authorities get paid? LDS website FAQ
“To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation. In many instances, choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle, And Nothing Shall Offend Them, October 2006 General Conference
“You and I cannot control the intentions or behavior of other people. However, we do determine how we will act. Please remember that you and I are agents endowed with moral agency, and we can choose not to be offended. One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle, And Nothing Shall Offend Them, October 2006 General Conference
“It ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make;
it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle, And Nothing Shall Offend Them, October 2006 General Conference
“We live in a world where everybody is offended about almost everything. We don't take offense, we just ask people to respect what, to us, is very sacred. The name of the church was revealed. We didn't have a task force and test it with focus groups, it was revealed by the head of the church, who is Jesus Christ. And we simply are asking people to respect that, and call us what we are.” - David A. Bednar, LDS Apostle, Addresses the National Press Club, 2022