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"But I met a boy. We had a wonderful time. I felt that this is what I always really wanted. This relationship between two boys, is nothing sinful or bad. But I was hiding it, because I was scared that the Members would start to hate me. That they would start trying to make me straight and that they would tell me that I am a dirty sinner. I came to the conclusion that denying the love of human beings is the worst thing someone could do." – Tim wasmormon.org
"But I met a boy. We had a wonderful time. I felt that this is what I always really wanted. This relationship between two boys, is nothing sinful or bad. But I was hiding it, because I was scared that the Members would start to hate me. That they would start trying to make me straight and that they would tell me that I am a dirty sinner. I came to the conclusion that denying the love of human beings is the worst thing someone could do." – Tim wasmormon.org
"In the time where did "sinful things" in the eyes of the Church, I got my calling in the Elder's Quorum. From that point I, knew that all this is nothing about inspiration, but just how you look on the outside. I wondered; Is it really that easy to deceive God, or is it just deceiving men? I lost my testimony of the Priesthood." – Tim wasmormon.org
"In the time where did "sinful things" in the eyes of the Church, I got my calling in the Elder's Quorum. From that point I, knew that all this is nothing about inspiration, but just how you look on the outside. I wondered; Is it really that easy to deceive God, or is it just deceiving men? I lost my testimony of the Priesthood." – Tim wasmormon.org
"All the members I talked to, didn't really care about my concerns and doubts. They simply said I should not read 'Anti-Mormon' literature and that I should ignore these things. But I cannot ignore facts and science. I cannot ignore how the Church treats members of the LGBTQ Community. And I can and will not ever ignore and be silent about the hundreds of lies, the leaders of the Church tell it's members." – Tim wasmormon.org
"All the members I talked to, didn't really care about my concerns and doubts. They simply said I should not read 'Anti-Mormon' literature and that I should ignore these things. But I cannot ignore facts and science. I cannot ignore how the Church treats members of the LGBTQ Community. And I can and will not ever ignore and be silent about the hundreds of lies, the leaders of the Church tell it's members." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I am from Germany. I started to hang around with the missionaries and talked with them for hours about the Church and its doctrine. I wanted to get baptized at 16 but I needed to ask my mother for her agreement. She said no – I got baptized 5 days after my 18th birthday. I never had doubts. I was a very firm member without looking left or right. I fully believed in everything the Church teaches. I joined Mormonism, ignoring that I am gay. I was a Mormon." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I am from Germany. I started to hang around with the missionaries and talked with them for hours about the Church and its doctrine. I wanted to get baptized at 16 but I needed to ask my mother for her agreement. She said no – I got baptized 5 days after my 18th birthday. I never had doubts. I was a very firm member without looking left or right. I fully believed in everything the Church teaches. I joined Mormonism, ignoring that I am gay. I was a Mormon." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I somehow always knew that I am gay. But because I got in touch with the Church I thought that this is a sin and that I need to repent. So I started to hide it and tried so ignore my feelings for other guys. Also in my time of investigating the Church for almost two years I got in touch with problematic topics and all the criticism against the Church. But I did exactly the same; I ignored it and often said that these things are all made up to harm the Church." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I somehow always knew that I am gay. But because I got in touch with the Church I thought that this is a sin and that I need to repent. So I started to hide it and tried so ignore my feelings for other guys. Also in my time of investigating the Church for almost two years I got in touch with problematic topics and all the criticism against the Church. But I did exactly the same; I ignored it and often said that these things are all made up to harm the Church." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I felt so sad, angry and disappointed at the same time. I cried for hours. Did I really just wasted 3 years of my life? Did I really believed in something, that is full of lies and intrigue? And yes, I did. And this understanding hurt me so deep. My Faith was a house of cards which floor by floor, slowly collapsed with every new TRUE thing I learned about the Church." – Tim wasmormon.org
"I felt so sad, angry and disappointed at the same time. I cried for hours. Did I really just wasted 3 years of my life? Did I really believed in something, that is full of lies and intrigue? And yes, I did. And this understanding hurt me so deep. My Faith was a house of cards which floor by floor, slowly collapsed with every new TRUE thing I learned about the Church." – Tim wasmormon.org
"Prop 8 was hard for me to deal with. I could not understand why the church would care about the issue, particularly when most of the people affected were not even Mormons. That was a big weight on my "shelf". But eventually Prop 8 faded in to the background and I continued to live my life, trying to be a good Mormon and raise my kids to strong in the church because I still believed it to be "good", even if I was not sure if it was "true" or even if God existed." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"Prop 8 was hard for me to deal with. I could not understand why the church would care about the issue, particularly when most of the people affected were not even Mormons. That was a big weight on my "shelf". But eventually Prop 8 faded in to the background and I continued to live my life, trying to be a good Mormon and raise my kids to strong in the church because I still believed it to be "good", even if I was not sure if it was "true" or even if God existed." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"Then I read the essay about race and the priesthood. I knew this was a touchy and controversial topic, and one I had never fully come to grips with. But at face value, the essay seemed to offer some explanation. But then the very next day, while reading the scriptures with my kids... the essay claims the disavow any theories that dark skin was a curse from God, but right there was the teaching that dark skin was a curse from God. It was a blatant lie that the church didn't know where the idea came from, and it was a blatant lie the teaching was disavowed, because the seminary assignment had the kids reading it right there in scripture." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"Then I read the essay about race and the priesthood. I knew this was a touchy and controversial topic, and one I had never fully come to grips with. But at face value, the essay seemed to offer some explanation. But then the very next day, while reading the scriptures with my kids... the essay claims the disavow any theories that dark skin was a curse from God, but right there was the teaching that dark skin was a curse from God. It was a blatant lie that the church didn't know where the idea came from, and it was a blatant lie the teaching was disavowed, because the seminary assignment had the kids reading it right there in scripture." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"My first real crisis with church stuff came when I attempted to serve a mission... I was never getting these hyper spiritual experiences when everyone else was claiming to get them. I was doing the right things, and I desperately wanted to get them, but never did. All of those things led to me basically having a nervous breakdown in the MTC. So after about five weeks, I went home." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"My first real crisis with church stuff came when I attempted to serve a mission... I was never getting these hyper spiritual experiences when everyone else was claiming to get them. I was doing the right things, and I desperately wanted to get them, but never did. All of those things led to me basically having a nervous breakdown in the MTC. So after about five weeks, I went home." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"Then one Sunday, someone mentioned the Gospel Topics Essays. I had never heard of these. So after church, I went home and looked them up. These were essays written and published by the church (so they are official) that dealt with many of the messy things in church history. As I looked through the different topics, I realized that I had never even heard of most of the issues, and the ones I had heard of, I was told were anti-Mormon lies. But there they were, essentially an official admission by the church that my church leaders had lied to me. Wow, that hit hard." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"Then one Sunday, someone mentioned the Gospel Topics Essays. I had never heard of these. So after church, I went home and looked them up. These were essays written and published by the church (so they are official) that dealt with many of the messy things in church history. As I looked through the different topics, I realized that I had never even heard of most of the issues, and the ones I had heard of, I was told were anti-Mormon lies. But there they were, essentially an official admission by the church that my church leaders had lied to me. Wow, that hit hard." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I am an airline pilot who enjoys traveling the world. I was born in to the church, and raised in a small New England college town, where my sister and I were the only Mormons in our school. Although my parents were faithful, they were extremely progressive and nuanced Mormons. They raised me to be a free thinker, to follow my own path, be a hard worker, and to be loving and accepting. I so wanted the church to be true. I was a Mormon." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I am an airline pilot who enjoys traveling the world. I was born in to the church, and raised in a small New England college town, where my sister and I were the only Mormons in our school. Although my parents were faithful, they were extremely progressive and nuanced Mormons. They raised me to be a free thinker, to follow my own path, be a hard worker, and to be loving and accepting. I so wanted the church to be true. I was a Mormon." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I eventually got married in the temple, started a family and a career, and continued my activity in the church. I attended church, kept my temple recommend active, filled my callings, paid tithing, read scriptures, and prayed regularly. But I never got anything that confirmed the church to me. Didn't make sense to me. Eventually stuff like this led to me starting to doubt not just the church, but even the existence of God. But I soldiered on with the church, eventually deciding that it didn't really matter if the church was true, or even if God existed, I liked the church and believed it to be good." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I eventually got married in the temple, started a family and a career, and continued my activity in the church. I attended church, kept my temple recommend active, filled my callings, paid tithing, read scriptures, and prayed regularly. But I never got anything that confirmed the church to me. Didn't make sense to me. Eventually stuff like this led to me starting to doubt not just the church, but even the existence of God. But I soldiered on with the church, eventually deciding that it didn't really matter if the church was true, or even if God existed, I liked the church and believed it to be good." - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I began my deep dive. The more I read or listened, the worse the church sounded. It soon became apparent to me that not only was the church not "true", it wasn't even remotely "good". It was founded by a power hungry sex predator with a long history of being a con-artist. It holds bigoted and racist views. It caters to right-wing violent extremists. It breeds sexism and misogyny. It protects and enables abusers and predators. It fights against equal rights for the LGBTQ community. It hoards money, exploits tax loopholes, and lies about how its finances are being spent. " - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I began my deep dive. The more I read or listened, the worse the church sounded. It soon became apparent to me that not only was the church not "true", it wasn't even remotely "good". It was founded by a power hungry sex predator with a long history of being a con-artist. It holds bigoted and racist views. It caters to right-wing violent extremists. It breeds sexism and misogyny. It protects and enables abusers and predators. It fights against equal rights for the LGBTQ community. It hoards money, exploits tax loopholes, and lies about how its finances are being spent. " - Andrew | wasmormon.org
"I started to listen to A Year of Polygamy podcast on her recommendation. When I got to the episode about Helen Marr Kimball, all of my belief collapsed. How could I follow a man that would do that? My wife told me about her shelf-breaker, the Lowry Nelson letters. Our kids have all left as well. It has been a difficult time leaving, but our little family is happier and more together than ever." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I started to listen to A Year of Polygamy podcast on her recommendation. When I got to the episode about Helen Marr Kimball, all of my belief collapsed. How could I follow a man that would do that? My wife told me about her shelf-breaker, the Lowry Nelson letters. Our kids have all left as well. It has been a difficult time leaving, but our little family is happier and more together than ever." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"My wife preceded me out of the church. Her leaving was like a gut punch. How could we have a celestial family with a non-believing mom. It took me a bit to come to terms with it, and she helped me immensely, but I eventually realized that I married her and not the church." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"My wife preceded me out of the church. Her leaving was like a gut punch. How could we have a celestial family with a non-believing mom. It took me a bit to come to terms with it, and she helped me immensely, but I eventually realized that I married her and not the church." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I had plenty of shelf items, but the first time I was honestly and permanently stumped was when we were talking about the Book of Abraham. I never studied apologetics, but I knew all of the "answers" anyway. The problem is, the only good answer for the Book of Abraham is 'wow, that doesn't make sense.'" – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I had plenty of shelf items, but the first time I was honestly and permanently stumped was when we were talking about the Book of Abraham. I never studied apologetics, but I knew all of the "answers" anyway. The problem is, the only good answer for the Book of Abraham is 'wow, that doesn't make sense.'" – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I decided to double down and get us all there. At the same time, I tried to understand why she left. I will absolutely admit that I was arrogant enough to think that if she gave me the reasons, I would be able to "reason" her back into the church. Wow was I wrong." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I decided to double down and get us all there. At the same time, I tried to understand why she left. I will absolutely admit that I was arrogant enough to think that if she gave me the reasons, I would be able to "reason" her back into the church. Wow was I wrong." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I hit all of the milestones and served a mission at age 19. I married an amazing woman and we had 5 kids. While I never had any super important callings (mostly due to a job that required work on some Sundays) we were one of those stalwart "same ten people" families. I never said no to a calling, even the ones I knew I would hate. My wife did the same and my girls were called into YW presidencies when they got there." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I hit all of the milestones and served a mission at age 19. I married an amazing woman and we had 5 kids. While I never had any super important callings (mostly due to a job that required work on some Sundays) we were one of those stalwart "same ten people" families. I never said no to a calling, even the ones I knew I would hate. My wife did the same and my girls were called into YW presidencies when they got there." – Mike | wasmormon.org
"I'd always known I was different than the other kids my age but I didn't quite know why. When I hit puberty, changes that made the other boys in my class happy caused me to feel wrong and uncomfortable in my body. I began to wish that I was a girl even though I didn't have any idea what being transgender was at the time. I prayed every night for God to take these thoughts away from me with no response. I fell into a deep depression." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I'd always known I was different than the other kids my age but I didn't quite know why. When I hit puberty, changes that made the other boys in my class happy caused me to feel wrong and uncomfortable in my body. I began to wish that I was a girl even though I didn't have any idea what being transgender was at the time. I prayed every night for God to take these thoughts away from me with no response. I fell into a deep depression." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I finally found the label for the thoughts and unhappiness in my head when I was twenty-three and tried to tell my spouse that I might be transgender. The confession was met with threats of losing access to my child if I were ever to come out. My relationship with my spouse soured as they became neglectful and abusive." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I finally found the label for the thoughts and unhappiness in my head when I was twenty-three and tried to tell my spouse that I might be transgender. The confession was met with threats of losing access to my child if I were ever to come out. My relationship with my spouse soured as they became neglectful and abusive." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I started to see problems that I could not accomodate. The LDS church's homophobic and sexist policies became more and more upsetting as I got older and I made more LGBTQ friends and I had a harder and harder time overlooking the historical inaccuracies in the Book of Mormon." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I started to see problems that I could not accomodate. The LDS church's homophobic and sexist policies became more and more upsetting as I got older and I made more LGBTQ friends and I had a harder and harder time overlooking the historical inaccuracies in the Book of Mormon." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I stopped going to church entirely and began to resent the LDS church. I finally came out a year after I first realized I was a woman and that signaled the end of my marriage. I have now been on hormones for a year and a half and have never been happier." – Willow | wasmormon.org
"I stopped going to church entirely and began to resent the LDS church. I finally came out a year after I first realized I was a woman and that signaled the end of my marriage. I have now been on hormones for a year and a half and have never been happier." – Willow | wasmormon.org
Episode exploring the origin story behind the wasmormon.org website – "where people who have left their faith tradition can post stories and information to express their feelings and personal journey. Evan wanted to create a safe space to share very personal stories which are cathartic and healing to those sharing the stories, and also a good resource for anyone who wants to gain an understanding of why someone has changed course. His hope is that "I Was a Mormon" will destigmatize doubt and normalize those who leave the church by providing a platform for all to tell their own story." Steven Pynakker, Mormon Book Reviews Podcast | wasmormon.org
Episode exploring the origin story behind the wasmormon.org website – "where people who have left their faith tradition can post stories and information to express their feelings and personal journey. Evan wanted to create a safe space to share very personal stories which are cathartic and healing to those sharing the stories, and also a good resource for anyone who wants to gain an understanding of why someone has changed course. His hope is that "I Was a Mormon" will destigmatize doubt and normalize those who leave the church by providing a platform for all to tell their own story." Steven Pynakker, Mormon Book Reviews Podcast
"I lost my only brother, my dearest friend (oldest sibling) from suicide, due to being diagnosed with AIDS a little over 3 years ago. I know that my parent's beliefs were one of the direct causes of his death. I've felt let down and repulsed by TSCC for many years and now I'm trying to move past the disenchantment and grief of said years and money lost to TSCC." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"I lost my only brother, my dearest friend (oldest sibling) from suicide, due to being diagnosed with AIDS a little over 3 years ago. I know that my parent's beliefs were one of the direct causes of his death. I've felt let down and repulsed by TSCC for many years and now I'm trying to move past the disenchantment and grief of said years and money lost to TSCC." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"Having left, I've felt more hopeful, less anxious and freer in these past 4 months than I ever did in the past 49 years of my life. I just wish I had left sooner. I plan on making whatever time left I have being my authentic self and finding happiness outside of TSCC." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"Having left, I've felt more hopeful, less anxious and freer in these past 4 months than I ever did in the past 49 years of my life. I just wish I had left sooner. I plan on making whatever time left I have being my authentic self and finding happiness outside of TSCC." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"A seeker of the facts. Fascinated by anything paranormal. I recently left TSCC after not being able to stomach the homophobia, bigotry, bigamy, sexism, child abuse, personal trauma and outright damning lies. I was a Mormon." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"A seeker of the facts. Fascinated by anything paranormal. I recently left TSCC after not being able to stomach the homophobia, bigotry, bigamy, sexism, child abuse, personal trauma and outright damning lies. I was a Mormon." Gen https://wasmormon.org/profile/genniphersghost/
"We aren’t good yet at talking about these issues in a healthy way. So we leave young people with two choices: to either shut up and accommodate, even though it hurts, or to leave and become a fierce critic of the church. Those outcomes to me are both tragic outcomes." Chad Ford, Author Dangerous Love | wasmormon.org | Look again at what he's saying, our current cultural practice of submission and avoiding the hard questions by putting them on the shelf lead to tragic outcomes. We're seeing it today. Since the church is incapable of healthy conversations about hard issues, we essentially give members two choices: shut up or leave the church.
"We aren’t good yet at talking about these issues in a healthy way. So we leave young people with two choices: to either shut up and accommodate, even though it hurts, or to leave and become a fierce critic of the church. Those outcomes to me are both tragic outcomes." Chad Ford, Author Dangerous Love
"The tragic reality is that there have been occasions when Church leaders, teachers, and writers have not told the truth they knew about difficulties of the Mormon past, but have offered to the Saints instead a mixture of platitudes, half-truths, omissions, and plausible denials... A so-called "faith-promoting" Church history which conceals controversies and difficulties of the Mormon past actually undermines the faith of Latter-day Saints who eventually learn about the problems from other sources." Dr. D Michael Quinn, Excommunicated Mormon | wasmormon.org
"The tragic reality is that there have been occasions when Church leaders, teachers, and writers have not told the truth they knew about difficulties of the Mormon past, but have offered to the Saints instead a mixture of platitudes, half-truths, omissions, and plausible denials. Elder Packer and others would justify this because "we are at war with the adversary" and must also protect any Latter-day Saint whose "testimony [is] in seedling stage."35 But such a public-relations defense of the Church is actually a Maginot Line of sandy fortifications which "the enemy" can easily breach and which has been built up by digging lethal pits into which the Saints will stumble. A so-called "faith-promoting" Church history which conceals controversies and difficulties of the Mormon past actually undermines the faith of Latter-day Saints who eventually learn about the problems from other sources." Dr D Michael Quinn, Exommunicated Mormon