Stories of mormon faith transitions. Share your truth – own your story!
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You are to become a career woman in the greatest career on earth—that of homemaker, wife, and mother. It was never intended by the Lord that married women should compete with men in employment. They have a far greater and more important service to render - Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, Page 128, 1972
There are no greater roles for a woman than those of wife and mother. - Russell M. Nelson, as LDS Apostle, Woman—Of Infinite Worth, 1989
“This congregation is unique. I don’t see any mothers. Not one of us could be here without a mother, yet we are all here... Where are their mothers? Gathered in the kitchen of our home!” - Russell M. Nelson, as LDS Apostle, Our Sacred Duty to Honor Women, 1999
I say to you young men, rise up and discipline yourself to take advantage of educational opportunities. Do you wish to marry a girl whose education has been far superior to your own? - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Church President, Rise Up, O Men of God, 2006
“ My dear sisters... Many of you are mothers, and that is enough to occupy one’s full time. You are companions—the very best friends your husbands have or ever will have. You are housekeepers. That doesn’t sound like much, does it? But what a job it is to keep a house clean and tidy.” - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Church President, To the Women of the Church, 2003
There is no more beautiful picture than that of a good woman cooking a meal. - Gordon B. Hinckley, LDS Church President, To the Women of the Church, 2003
Homemaking is the highest, most noble profession to which a woman might aspire. - Ezra Taft Benson, LDS Church President, The Honored Place of Woman, 1981
“Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children... have your children and have them early.” - Ezra Taft Benson, LDS Church President, To the Mothers in Zion, 1987
“The counsel of the Church has always been for mothers to spend their full time in the home in rearing and caring for their children.” - Ezra Taft Benson, LDS Church President, To the Mothers in Zion, 1987
“Put your homes in order.
If Mother is working outside of the home, see if there are ways to change that.” - Boyd K. Packer, LDS Apostle, Do Not Fear, 2004
"Joseph Smith could neither write nor dictate a coherent and well- worded letter; let alone dictating a book like the Book of Mormon." - Emma Smith, Joseph Smith's Wife and Scribe, 1879
Joseph Smith wrote this [coherent and well-worded] letter from Harmony, Pennsylvania, to Oliver Cowdery, who was overseeing the printing of the Book of Mormon in Palmyra, New York. - Joseph Smith letter to Oliver Cowdery, 22 October 1829, Joseph Smith Papers
The young man, however, had very little formal education and was incapable of writing a book on his own, let alone translating an ancient book written from an unknown language, known in the Book of Mormon as “reformed Egyptian.” Joseph’s wife Emma insisted that, at the time of translation, Joseph “could neither write nor dictate a coherent and well-worded letter, let alone dictat[e] a book like the Book of Mormon.” - LDS Church, Gospel Topics Essays: Book of Mormon Translation
Joseph Smith Letter to Oliver Cowdery, 22 October 1829
I didn’t begin to learn about the critical historical and contemporary issues the church has until several months after I left. I didn’t read, listen to, or watch anything that the church would classify as “anti-Mormon” prior to my resignation. For some reason, it was very important to me to make the decision to leave without any outside influences steering my thinking. Learning about the many unflattering facts that had been deliberately withheld from me, and others, ensured that I wouldn’t be able to come back. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
Of course life is still hard, and in some ways, it's harder, mainly because it's difficult to navigate relationships with the many people in my life who still choose to believe, who are understandably incapable of understanding what I and others like me have been through. And life is still fundamentally unfair. Especially when contemplating the very likely reality that there is no benevolent deity pulling the strings for us, who will make everything right in a future eternal life that very likely won't happen. But now more than ever, the small joys of living mean so much more than they used to, now that I can feel in my bones how precious, temporary, and fleeting they are. And I feel much more urgency about the need to help others experience those same joys on their own terms, and to pursue justice for them to the extent that I can. There is still so much more that I could do. If nothing else, I have learned that a joyful, moral life is possible outside of the belief that I once had, in spite of the great lengths my former church went to convince me otherwise. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
To be able to shape my beliefs around evidence, instead of ignoring evidence when it conflicts with a received belief that others had defined for me, has been the single greatest benefit of leaving the church. I didn't realize how much cognitive dissonance had been weighing me down until it wasn't there any more. It's allowed me the space to truly put people in front of ideas; where as a member of the church, I was expected to show my loyalty to "god" (the leaders of the church) above all else, when push came to shove. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I still grieve at times for what I once hoped the church was. I sometimes miss the community, which is the greatest strength of the church. Finding out that this thing that I built my life around was based on a fundamentally deceptive premise has been the most difficult struggle of my life. Having to find purpose on my own, after having outsourced it to the church, is still a work in progress. But it's getting better. As I anticipated, my resignation has also caused pain to those that love me. It has made relationships with friends and family more difficult. Even though I have renounced my former faith, I still have a basic faith that truth matters; and that embracing it, as I learn more of it, will lead to a better life. And in some ways, it already has. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
What eventually tipped the balance for me was learning about the excommunication of Natasha Helfer, a licensed marriage counselor and former Mormon, who was excommunicated the year prior for openly speaking out against the harm the church's doctrine of chastity, and it's accompanying purity culture. I researched her story more. What she had said made sense, and resonated with my own experiences. She seemed to want to help people find healing, but in the end was punished for it. Something clicked in my brain as I contemplated what all of this meant. It became very clear to me that no benevolent God would accept or condone any of it. That’s when I realized that my integrity was on trial, not my faith. I knew then that I needed to resign from the church immediately. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
In the wake of the sociopolitical tumult following the 2016 election, and especially the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was able to put some emotional distance between myself and the church, which allowed me to be more objective about why I continued to believe in a “Plan of Happiness” that wasn’t making me happy. Watching two formerly faithful friends, whom I had never guessed would leave the church - and did - emboldened me even more. But I also felt conflicted about the positive experiences I had in the church - to say nothing of the spiritual experiences I had, which I then believed constituted proof of the church’s truth claims. I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking and pondering, anticipating how much I had to lose if I decided to part ways with the church, and especially how much it would hurt my wife, who I loved very much. Months passed as I let all of this marinate. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Like most young men in the church, I grew up terrified of my own body, since I was taught that sins of unchastity were second in seriousness only to murder. And yet I found it very confusing that God would give me such powerful sexual urges, then forbid me from expressing those urges in any way, and with perilous consequences if I did. And that is exactly what happened… except I compulsively repented. I couldn’t stop repenting. Just as I couldn’t stop “sinning.” It broke me. It made me feel that I was outside the reach of divine grace. And with my desire to marry a good Mormon woman tied up in that struggle, I felt like I would never be worthy enough realize that hope. Even though I eventually did, somehow. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I experienced a lot of joy in connection with my membership in the church, but also a great deal of pain, which I managed to bury deeply for many years without realizing it. The earliest memory I have of any kind of dissonance about church doctrine, related to the necessity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why God would make the conditions of salvation so unattainable that he had to sacrifice his only perfect son in order to let us have a chance to return to him. It seemed unnecessarily complicated and incoherent, and no explanations/parables/metaphors that were taught to me helped me understand it more. It was one of those things that I just accepted on "faith." - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Hi, I’m Nathanael. My mother’s ancestors were among the original pioneers of the church. My father was a convert from Protestant Christianity. My participation in the Mormon church defined my life… my identity, my aspirations, and my purpose. I believed it wholeheartedly. I did everything the church expected of me: I graduated from seminary, served a mission in Canada, attended a church university (BYU-Idaho) and graduated with a bachelor’s degree, and married in the temple. I was a Mormon. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
A subtle and very effective form of censorship is the silent treatment. "It is permitted," writes St. Augustine, "for the purpose of building up religion in things pertaining to piety, when necessary, to conceal whatever appears to need concealing; but it is not permitted to lie, of course, and so one may not conceal by way of lying." - Hugh Nibley, Renowned LDS Scholar, Mormonism and Early Christianity
“Be prepared for circumstances that may be painful and contrary to your personal interest and comfort where you must keep confidences, even if someone calls you a liar. It requires a sophisticated analysis of the circumstances and a finely tuned conscience to distinguish between the situation where you are obliged by duty to speak and the situation where you are obliged by duty, commandment, or covenant to remain silent.” - Dallin H. Oaks, LDS Apostle, "Gospel Teachings About Lying," September 12, 1993
“We must not lie, but we are free to tell less than we know when we have no duty to disclose... One is not a liar when one remains silent in a circumstance in which there is no duty to disclose.” - Dallin H. Oaks, LDS Apostle, "Gospel Teachings About Lying," September 12, 1993
“A lie can be effectively communicated without words ever being spoken. Sometimes a nod of the head or silence can deceive. Recommending a questionable business investment, making a false entry in a ledger, devious use of flattery, or failure to divulge all pertinent facts are a few other ways to communicate the lie.” - Marvin J. Ashton, LDS Apostle, "This Is No Harm," General Conference April 1982
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
It has been so difficult, but it is getting better. I promise that it gets better. Now I look at the church much as I did when I was an eight year old. It's one of many religions. And certainly there are many good believing Mormons trying to live good believing lives. But I'm out—out of the boat. And I love who I am. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I wanted it all to be true. Like so many others, I began researching and chasing footnotes not to prove the church false but to prove it true. I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt deceived. So here I am, after nearly 50 years in the church, realizing that all I had believed in is false. The keystone of my religion has come crashing down taking Joseph Smith and the doctrines of the church with it. The Mormon church is not the one true church. Joseph Smith is not a prophet. The Book of Mormon is not a true history. I don't believe any of it because I can't. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Thank you Internet. Thank you Fawn Brodie, B.H. Roberts, Richard Bushman, Dan Vogel, William Clayton, Todd Compton, Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippetts Avery, Grant Palmer, Robert Ritner, the Tanners, the Joseph Smith Papers, and a host of podcasters. And thank you Jeremy Runnells, Letter for My Wife, and thank you Gospel Topic Essays. There's more, so much more. And I had not been taught ANY OF IT—not at church meetings, general conference, Institute classes, BYU, a mission, a lifetime in the Mormon church. What a betrayal. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
But the questions were growing. What about Joseph Smith and polygamy? 30+ wives? Did he really marry children as young as 14? Did he marry married women? What were the plates for if Joseph just needed a rock in a hat? Wait—a rock in a hat? What in the world does Masonry have to do with the temple ceremony? The Book of Abraham doesn't have anything to do with Abraham? - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
We began work at then Ricks College, later BYU Idaho, in Rexburg. Wow, if I had thought that Provo was an insular place, I was to live for three decades in a claustrophobic, narrow-minded, self-righteous community where I never entirely felt I belonged. I tried. Oh I tried. And I held the usual callings, but again the niggling. What I needed to do was try harder. Pray more. Attend that temple where I felt so uncomfortable. Read the scriptures. Put that shoulder to the wheel. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was anticipating marriage and family. As a 26 year old, I felt (wrongly) that I was getting old and didn't want to be a single LDS woman for the rest of my life. There was the temple sealing I had long been looking forward to, but not a single member of my family was allowed in the temple, and I had another question on the back burner: Surely there's a way to include non-member and inactive family members at a temple wedding? And don't get me started on the Endowment ceremony. Could it be any weirder? That back burner was starting to get crowded. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Immediately after graduation I left on a mission to Uruguay. Oh how I wanted to share the gospel that I held so dear. It was a good experience all in all, but I began to have questions. And the biggest questions centered on polygamy. Polygamy niggled at me for years. I was told to have faith. We can't understand everything in this life after all. So the whole disquieting issue went on the back burner where it slowly simmered. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
So I dove into the Book of Mormon and excitedly read James Talmage's Jesus the Christ and The Articles of Faith. There was so much to learn. Two years later I was at BYU, thinking it would be a great experience to be surrounded by so many church members. And it was for a few months until a sense of 'Too Much' began settling in. I still loved the church, and I loved my people, although Provo was a strange place indeed, and BYU had ridiculous rules. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Fast forward to the summer before my senior year of high school when my mother, my siblings and I moved far from Los Angeles to a sleepy little town on the central California coast. It was there that we began attending the local Mormon church, and it was a welcoming experience for all of us. I became involved in the Institute where I found a wonderful group of kids, several of whom became good friends. I felt that I was among my people. And I felt that I had a lot of catching up to do. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was baptized at 8 years old on the Fourth of July. But I wasn't active in the church until I was 18. As a result, I've always felt like a convert. I agreed to the baptism because I felt it was something my mother wanted, but I understood none of it, and in fact, what I was really looking forward to wasn't the baptism at all but the fireworks that night. Mormonism was just another religion to me because all my friends were Catholics or Baptists or nothing at all. I had been attending a Baptist elementary school since kindergarten, and I occasionally joined my friend for Saturday mass. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Hello everyone I'm Christi Keller I'm a mom of three and grandmother of six. I love to read, spend time with family, ride my bike, listen to music and think. I was a Mormon. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
![Joseph Smith wrote this [coherent and well-worded] letter from Harmony, Pennsylvania, to Oliver Cowdery, who was overseeing the printing of the Book of Mormon in Palmyra, New York. - Joseph Smith letter to Oliver Cowdery, 22 October 1829, Joseph Smith Papers | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/Joseph-Smiths-1829-coherent-and-well-worded-letter-to-Oliver-Cowdery.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
![The young man, however, had very little formal education and was incapable of writing a book on his own, let alone translating an ancient book written from an unknown language, known in the Book of Mormon as “reformed Egyptian.” Joseph’s wife Emma insisted that, at the time of translation, Joseph “could neither write nor dictate a coherent and well-worded letter, let alone dictat[e] a book like the Book of Mormon.” - LDS Church, Gospel Topics Essays: Book of Mormon Translation | wasmormon.org](https://i0.wp.com/wasmormon.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/Gospel-Topics-Essay-Book-of-Mormon-translation-Joseph-little-formal-education-and-incapable-of-writing-a-book-on-his-own.jpg?fit=640%2C640&ssl=1)
